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Saturday, November 30, 2013

WE'RE BACK: A DINOSAUR'S STORY

Well another Thanksgiving has come and gone, however, I will present you with a belated Thanksgiving review on one of the strangest films from my childhood...



A little blue bird is tired of getting picked on by his brothers and decides to run away and join the circus. However, a talking Dinosaur playing golf named Rex (John Goodman) tells him a story about a kid he knew that wanted to do the same thing. Hmmmm, a talking dinosaur playing golf in the city, NOTHING UNUSUAL YET! A captain of a spaceship that travels through time voiced by Walter Cronkite and his weird little obnoxious Alien friend voiced by Jay Leno, use a magic cereal that turns 4 monstrous dinosaurs into sweet and lovable creatures with over the top personalities. The Dinosaurs mission is to full fill the dreams of young children who want to see real Dinosaurs by going to the Museum Of Natural History as the new exhibit for children only. So instead of taking them there himself, he sends the Dinosaurs free in the city to find the museum themselves. NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY OR FLAWED YET!  Along the way, the dinosaurs meet two kids. One is named Louie who ran away from home because of his embarrassing mother that WE NEVER MET and the other is a little girl named Cecilia (Voiced by the same actress who voices Lisa Simpson) who runs away from home too because her parents are never home and there's no one watching her either. However, plans begin to change when the dinosaurs and the kids meet Cronkite's insane brother Professor Screweye (Kenneth Mars) who has evil plans for the Dinosaurs. Do you know how many directors it takes to make a film as weird, strange, surreal and bizarre as this? The answer is 4 and it was produced by Steven Spielberg while he was making "Jurassic Park" (Which by the way, there's a hidden "Jurassic Park" Easter egg in this film) and to me that's what I found to be UNUSUAL AND OUT OF THE ORDINARY because it takes 4 Directors plus Steven Spielberg to create something this surreal! It's also based on a children's book, so THAT'S 6 FREAKING PEOPLE TO CREATE SUCH A STRANGE PLOT!



Our four main Dinosaurs, well aside from the John Goodman dinosaur being well the John Goodman dinosaur, the rest of the group are very one dimensional, very forgettable and very obnoxious. I'm not saying their not likable for it's target audience, they are but even as a kid they never striked me as anything special or memorable, they felt like that they were just there to back up the main Dinosaur and to give the film it's unfunny fish out of water story. Woog The Triceratops is just in the film for the food jokes which is not done well; Dweeb The Parasaurolophus (Voiced by the same guy who voiced Roger Rabbit) is just in it to be the dumb one which you may have guessed is nowhere near funny; and Elsa The Pteranodon is just the love interest for our main Dinosaur which is done so vague and focuses so little on the chemistry between the two that it's not only forgettable but I just discovered their relationship just after my most recent viewing of the film. Honestly, if you cut out the three Dinosaurs and just leave us with the John Goodman Dinosaur, the story wouldn't make a huge difference, it'll just take away those unfunny fish out of water jokes.

  
 The supporting characters are ok, nothing special. The kid Louie is more stupid and annoying than he is likable. How he tries to be cool and smooth is not cute or cool, it's just annoying and the idea of running away to join the circus because his Mom makes him look uncool has to be one of the lamest and coldest excuses that I ever heard in a kid run away story. On top of it, he's trying to be cool then how will joining a circus make him as cool and hip as he's trying make himself to be? The little girl Cecilia while being a cute character, I swear all she does is whine, complain, moan and occasionally hit on Louie throughout the whole movie. She's another character that you can cut out of the movie and won't make a huge difference. Walter Cronkite as the captain of a spaceship is a humble and sweet character, with that said, he's still not all that memorable or interesting, in fact I wonder what his back story is! Did they also have to have him say his famous catchphrase "And that's the way it is", it felt out of place for his character to say that, it was given at an unnecessary time (In fact, I felt like the story switched narrators) and it felt forced. His little Alien friend voiced by Jay Leno, he's so annoying, unfunny and obnoxious that I was hoping for those Dinosaurs to squish him or eat him. The museum curator(Julia Child) while having good intentions comes off as annoying and loony as the Jay Leno alien. We also have Martin Short as a circus clown, who really is another character you don't need and is only in the film to present us with visual gags than actually having Martin Short use his real talent.



What I do give the film credit for is the film's main villain Professor Screweye. Out of all characters in this surreal film, he was the one who left a huge impression on me and is one of the reasons why I come back to this film. He loves to scare people with his scary circus, he's crazy, he takes away children and has them sign their name in blood on the contract, he has the power to turn people into monsters and he also has a radio where he can listen to children's fears. This guy also has a dark back story that involves a crow pecking out his eye and replacing it with a Screw but that aspect was so dark that it had to be cut out. The circus he runs, is so dark and so creative that the whole sequence is the coolest scene in the movie. I never found him scary as a kid but watching it as an adult, this guy is so twisted that I can see kids having a lot of nightmares because of him. He's just an all together awesome villain who's in my opinion a very underrated one as well.



The highlight of the film and what makes it a Thanksgiving film, is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade sequence and boy are my feelings mixed on this one. First off, how do two kids manage to steal a huge float? Also how did the Dinosaurs make it to the float without being seen in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world? In fact, how come the film doesn't show us how they took it? Anyway, despite those plot holes, the Dinosaurs disguise themselves as giant mechanical robots however, Rex hears the kids wishing that they were real Dinosaurs which then leads us to the only musical number in the movie which is not only out of place but it also makes no sense. When you see how Rex sings and dances in this scene and jumps on floats and balloons, you think to yourself HOW CAN ANYONE THINK THAT THIS IS A ROBOT DOING ALL THIS?! I mean, how stupid, gullible and goofy are the humans in this film? While being a pointless number with plot holes, I can't help but enjoy the song and performance that Goodman puts into it. After that when the audience finds out that they're real Dinosaurs; we get one heck of a What The Hell chase sequence that serves no purpose at all, nor does it make any sense.

This film is just plain weird, makes little sense, is really surreal and unusual but I honestly don't think it's that bad! Granted it's a bad film but I wouldn't call it horrendous. The voice acting's good, the animation is great, the villain is wicked awesome and I can tell that the people behind this movie were at least trying to make an odd concept work even if it does fail. So while being bad, I at least felt some passion and creativity behind it.

RATING 2/5

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