STAR WARS EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH

With the latest "Star Wars" film becoming a Blockbuster hit both financially and critically, as well as being well received by the fans of the franchise; I say after all these years, it's time for me to finally review the last live action "Star Wars" film that hit the big screen before "The Force Awakens"...

 

When my Brother Jack and I did our "Top Ten Favorite Film Series" lists, I put the original "Star Wars Trilogy" on the list and talked about "The Phantom Menace" being my first "Star Wars" film that I ever saw and got the opportunity to see in theaters as a kid, where I found myself so bored by it, that I fell asleep in my chair, which as a result scared me away from watching any other "Star Wars" movie, since I thought they were just visually good looking films with action that has boring characters and dialogue, where it’s only purpose is to sell toys. It wasn't until the 5th grade when I started taking an interest in the classic "Star Wars" trilogy, and coincidentally during that same year when I finally saw the original "Star Wars" films, "Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge Of The Sith" came out , the "Star Wars" prequel that shows Anakin finally becoming Darth Vader. Despite that I didn't think it was going to be good, I went to see it anyway with a few of my friends, and after I saw the film, I surprisingly found myself enjoying it almost as much as I enjoyed the original trilogy. To be honest though, I haven't watched the film since I last saw it in theaters and after reviewing and currently re-watching the first two movies from the Prequel trilogy, is it really the only good movie in the Prequel trilogy, or is it just as mediocre as the other two films with only a few kickass moments and good visual effects; ON WITH THE REVIEW!



Before I talk about the plot, I got to talk about the first 24 minutes of the movie. Before the film gets down to its actual plot, much like in "Return Of The Jedi", the first 20 minutes or so of the movie is one big rescue mission, only instead of our heroes Anakin (Hayden Christensen) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) saving a close friend, a fellow Jedi, or Anakin's love interest Padme (Natalie Portman); they instead have to save Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) who will soon become the evil Emperor that will use Anakin for his evil doing. I have to say that as a kid who was bored and unamused by the opening of "The Phantom Menace" when it was released in theaters; when I saw this opening on the big screen I was completely sucked into the action that was taking place in front me. And as an adult who hasn't seen this opening sequence since I saw it in theaters, I'm not only still sucked into the action, but at the same time I’m very impressed with it. After re-watching "The Phantom Menace" and "Attack Of The Clones", despite that they both carried some sort of action in the opening scenes, I still found myself bored by both of them for how slow and unexciting the opening scene in "Phantom Menace" was; and how painfully brief and unemotional Padme's assassination attempt was. With this opening on the other hand, right after the opening crawl, the action and excitement starts off right away as we get a Starship space battle, lightsaber fights against Droids and the Jedi who cut off Anakin's hand Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), a new and cool looking cyborg type of villain named General Grievous (Matthew Wood),CGI that's overused but not as cartoony and video game looking as it looked in the last few films; R2-D2 for the first time fighting (Though I do question what happened to most his gadgets in the events that happen after this movie), and humor that's actually funny instead of coming off as stale or childishly juvenile (even though “Attack Of The Clones” did have one or two funny scenes). Even the opening crawl that starts out the movie had me interested in what I was reading which as a result got me hyped into seeing what was going to happen; when the opening crawl in the last two films was the first sign that the film’s were going to be dull and boring with it's constant talk of politics. This opening literally did have that "Star Wars" feel to it with its action, camp, humor, imagination, and epic and gigantic look. The only downside to this opening is the acting is still pretty wooden, but it’s not as horrible as it was in the previous two films or how it's going to get later on in the film.



So with the first 24 minutes being pretty much a big rescue mission that could in all honestly be an episode for one of those TV animated spin-off shows based on the "Star Wars Prequel Trilogy", what's the film's actual story? A few years after the events of "Attack Of The Clones", Anakin and his secret wife Padme discover that they’re going to have a baby, but as excited and yet worried Anakin is about having a baby, he has nightmares of Padme dying when giving childbirth, which are the same nightmares that he had of his Mother dying that eventually came true. After Anakin's heroic rescue of saving Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, he becomes close friends with Palpatine where Palpatine happily suggests that Anakin become a master Jedi, which intrigues Anakin, but the Jedi Council decline Anakin's wishes. However, the Jedi Council suspect something suspicious about Palpatine and order Anakin to keep an eye on him. Eventually Anakin discovers that Palpatine is a Sith Lord and is torn with whether he should turn him to the Jedi Council or use the Dark Side to save his Wife's life; but as you may have guessed, Anakin does eventually become Darth Vader and the Sith Lord along with his Clone army figure that it's time to wipe out all of the Jedi, so that the Sith Lord can rule the galaxy. As all this is going on, Obi-Wan and Yoda are at different planets doing Jedi missions that have no importance to the actual plot of the film, where those scenes only exist to give them something to do as Anakin becomes Darth Vader.



I have to admit, after watching the two previous films from the "Prequel Trilogy" where they both had a boring and half-baked story-line (though I'll admit, I did find myself semi-interested in the events of "Attack Of The Clones", even if the majority of it was boring and in all honesty pretty pointless); this film feels like that George Lucas actually did have a story to tell! The reason for Anakin joining the dark side is an interesting and tragic story-arc; the film isn't as flooded with talk on politics like the last two films were; the story is easy to follow; and quite honestly, even if you didn't see the first two movies from the "Prequel Trilogy" you can still understand and grasp what's going on and what the characters have been through in the past! Even when I first saw the film in theaters with a vague memory of "Phantom Menace" and never ever took the time to watch "Attack Of The Clones", I still understood this film fine. Still as much as I praise the story, that doesn't mean that I don't have problems with it! The close friendship that Anakin has with Palpatine after his rescue feels very sudden, and while I understand Anakin’s reason to turn to the dark the side, his transformation feels painfully rushed to the point where the film felt like that they got to quickly go through this story-arc so that Anakin can become fully evil, rather then having him slowly become evil. I mean you could have cut out or shorten a lot of things in this film to make his transformation feel genuine, instead of just rushing it. It literally takes him no time for him to start slaughtering kids who are Jedi's in training right after when he's knighted as Darth Vader, the very same evening when he's against killing someone since it's not the Jedi code. I know that the Jedi Council hasn't treated him too well, and that he's doing all this evil to eventually learn the power of saving his wife from death with Palpatine's help, but to go off and mercilessly slaughter kids who have done him no wrong without even having so much as a look of remorse on his face as he's about to kill them is pretty hard to buy that he would be this easily manipulated to become fully evil.

 

Like I said when I described the plot, there are a few plot threads that seem pointless and the ones that stand out to me the most that I mentioned earlier are the two missions that Obi-Wan and Yoda are given. I get that the purpose is for them to be away from the massacre that happens later on in the film and for them to not interfere with Anakin's transformation at becoming Darth Vader, and honestly I would forgive these scenes if Anakin's transformation to the Dark Side felt natural and flowing instead of forced, and that the missions themselves that these Jedi’s go on had some cool and intense action, but sadly that's not the case here. The mission that Yoda goes on is to aide the Wookies in a battle. While it is cool to finally see a planet with an army of Wookies that Chewbacca’s in, the reason for this fight randomly happens in the story, and the battle itself is pretty boring and extremely brief. As for Obi-Wan's mission, he has to fight the villain who we saw earlier in the film, General Grievous. As much as I like Grievous' design; cold robotic voice; and the fact that he can wield four lightsabers at once, that isn't enough for me to overlook how forced and out of nowhere of a villain he is! As brief as Darth Maul and Count Dooku were as villains, we at least knew something about their past and even had a bit of build-up before meeting one of them; with Grievous on the other hand, he just comes in right out of nowhere from the very start as a supporting antagonist who we hardly know anything about, except for the fact that he's a powerful Droid leader who works for Palpatine and Count Dooku. Now I know that there's an animated TV Show that takes place and even made between Episode 2 and 3 called "Clone Wars" that explains Grevious' presence in this movie, that even shows a bit more of Anakin's signs of turning to the dark side, but in my opinion, unless if the movie is animated, the spin-off animated TV show shouldn't even be a requirement for you to enjoy and understand a full length live action movie that's literally called "Episode 3" which is clearly implying that it's a direct sequel to the last movie. I already said that you can still understand and grasp what's going on in the film fine without seeing the first two films, and yeah I still stand by that completely. But after seeing "Attack Of The Clones" where the main villain was Count Dooku, to now suddenly having a robotic villain with no mention or build-up to him in the last movie, where your only source of information and requirement to understand his presence and character in the movie is an animated cartoon show with a completely different look, to me seems like a lazy and phoned in way to give this film a new villain, where he should be both introduced and killed off on the TV Spin-off show alone! As for the whole lightsaber battle between him and Obi-Wan, it's ok but nothing really that special, nor does he really seem that big of a match for Obi-Wan despite that he's a robot carrying four lightsabers!



When it comes to acting in this movie, it's pretty hit and miss. It's still bland and wooden; the romantic scenes between Anakin and Padme are still really corny along with that cheap lovey-dovey dialogue that the actors are given; the scenes that the film has of political talk, as little as there are, are still unengaging; whenever Anakin speaks when he expresses his anger during the climax is laughable, than it is intimidating; and James Earl Jones voicing Anakin in the Darth Vader suit, insultingly enough sounds just as whiny and bland as Christensen's performance, especially when he shouts out the word "NOOOO"! With that said, there is a type of acting that works to the film's advantage of expressing emotions and telling the story visually and that’s when the characters don't talk! Whenever they're given a scene to just silently express emotion and talk very little, that's when the acting becomes very effective. Anakin's evil look and stair when he's consumed by the Dark Side is very intimidating and even at times scary to look at; whenever Anakin and Padme are given a scene where they don't speak or speak very little like the Window scene or Anakin’s reaction to her pregnancy for example are pretty emotional and surprisingly at times realistic; and even Jar Jar's 2 second cameo at the end who doesn't say anything looks legitimately depressed, rather then being his old annoying Jar-Jar self! Say what you want about Lucas' bad directing after all these years, but at least he does know how to direct actors with showing their emotions without any dialogue along with the visuals and music by John Williams to help convey those emotions so beautifully.

I will also admit that out of all the wooden performances in this movie, there is one actor who somehow rises above Lucas' direction to makes the characters act and sound boring whenever they speak...

 

Sadly no, and it's a pity too because I know he can act really well without resorting to his over the top hot headed Samuel L. Jackson self.

Close, because ever since "Attack Of The Clones", McGregor does look and sound what Obi-Wan Kenobi would be like as a young Jedi. But still no cigar, considering that his delivery is still painfully dull.

Alright yes, but he's not in the film long enough to truly shine.

Yes, Ian McDiarmid as freaking Palpatine! In the last two films, I found him to be very boring (Even during the scenes when he's wearing the hood to cover his face), and going back to this film again, I expected him to be both dull and over the top annoying since that’s the majority of the acting in these films; but once I saw him in the opening scene of the movie where he manipulates Anakin into killing the guy who cut off his hand, that's when I knew that his performance was going to be different from his lifeless and once faced performance that he carried in the last two films. His scenes of manipulating Anakin whether they are subtle and direct is very convincing, despite how painfully rushed those scenes along with the story are; his interaction with Anakin where he acts all friendly and calm looks very legit, instead of feeling dull and staged; and when he finally does become the deformed faced Emperor he still looks and acts just as intimidating as he was in "Return Of The Jedi"! Even when he goes full out over the top, as silly as it is, he's still a lot of fun to watch. It's almost as if McDiarmid compared his last two performances in the "Star Wars" prequels to his first performance as the Emperor in "Return Of The Jedi" and said "Screw George's direction, I'm going to give the fans and newcomers of the franchise the same classic evil performance that I gave them before in “Return Of The Jedi", where as a result Lucas just liked what he saw as he was filming these scenes and put them in the movie! McDiarmid just really gives an all around great performance throughout this movie! His best scene in the whole entire movie is surprisingly not one of his scenes after when he becomes the deformed faced Emperor, but instead is actually one of his earlier scenes in the movie that takes place in the Opera House/Circus (I don’t know which) as he tells Anakin a story about the Dark Side using their powers to cheat death that's written and acted so well that I found myself taking an interest in what I was hearing. It didn't at all feel like any of that corny love dialogue or uninteresting talk of space politics that I've been hearing throughout the films, this is legitimately very amusing stuff that's acted out quite effectively. Now what the hell are they watching that involves giant bubbles, I have no clue, but I don't care since that weird bubble show that looks boring to watch (where the characters themselves looked bored by it) just adds to the atmosphere to this scene!

 

In the previous two films, whenever they would make a scene be dark, gritty, and depressing, it would usually fall flat for how boring and unemotional it all looks and feels. With this film on the other hand, once Anakin joins the Dark Side as we see constant battles and Jedi's being massacred, the music, the visuals, and expressive acting looks and feels so dark and gloomy that honestly not since "The Empire Strikes Back" did I see a "Star Wars" film this dark and depressing! Looking at all these violent and depressing looking visuals with a tragic and downbeat story to go along with it is no wonder why the film got a PG-13 rating. Though to be honest, I think it was the idea of Anakin murdering innocent children is what made the censors rate this film a PG-13! The action in this movie are pretty hit and miss like the acting. The opening sequence was great; the climatic fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan is awesome given where the fight takes place at; and the fight between Yoda and Palpatine who are both masters of the light and dark side of the force is actually pretty cool. Sadly though, we get a boring and pointless battle of Wookies fighting; a duel against a forced villain who's very easy to take down, along with a boring chase of Obi-Wan riding on a goofy and cartoony looking CGI creature; and an awkwardly choreographed fight of Palpatine fighting against Mace Windu. I should also note that aside from the younglings that Anakin kills, we don't see him kill any other Jedi to show how powerful and in touch he is with the Dark Side, which is pretty lame if you ask me! The CGI looks a little less video game like as it did in the previous films, but it's still on a handful of occasions just as cartoony as it looked in the other films where you wonder why Lucas isn't using practical effects for half of these special effects. I will give Lucas credit though for him building sets that resemble the sets to the original "Star Wars" movies to make it feel like that the film is launching into "A New Hope"! Actually, despite a few goofy moments and things that don't make too much sense in the last few minutes of the movie, I did get the vibe of watching one of  the original "Star Wars" films!

I have to say after watching this along with the other two films from "The Prequel Trilogy" again, this film is hands down the superior film of the trilogy that comes really close to feeling like a "Star Wars" film! Yes there is a lot wrong with it that holds it back from being good movie, but there's still enough right with it to make it watchable and engaging! Originally during my first two years of reviewing movies on my "Facebook" page, I gave both "The Phantom Menace" and "Attack Of The Clones" a 3/5 for being very hit and miss movies, but after re-watching these films again, it's clear to me that this is the film that has a good chunk of hits and misses that makes it all become entertaining and investing, while the first two films only had 1 or 2 good scenes that take forever to get too. It may not be a good movie, but honestly I can see myself watching this movie a few more times (maybe even purchasing it for my collection) than I see myself watching the other films from the trilogy. And considering the fact that it's not heavily reacquired for you to see the previous two films by order for you to understand what's going on in the film is part of the reason of what makes watching this film so enjoyably satisfying!

RE-RATING FOR "THE PHANTOM MENACE" AND "ATTACK OF THE CLONES": 2/5

RATING FOR "REVENGE OF THE SITH": 3/5

OVERALL ON THE "STAR WARS PREQUEL TRILOGY"



After re-rating the first two films that I reviewed from the "Star Wars Prequel Trilogy", and finding myself still enjoying the third and final installment to the Trilogy, how is it as a whole? Well let’s start with the stuff that makes this Trilogy infamous and pale in comparison from the original “Star Wars Trilogy”. The first and obvious problem that these three films have is the acting! I know that the acting in the Original Trilogy is a bit stilted and over the top but the characters are so well written and the actors portraying them fit their roles so perfectly that they give the characters that their portraying a lot personality that it doesn't matter if the acting can get clunky and goofy at times. In this series on the other hand, the acting is so wooden and monotone as the actors are flooded with dialogue revolving around politics, corny and cheap romantic talk, unfunny humor with stale delivery, and lines that make you question what Lucas was thinking when he wrote it, that it's pretty boring and uninteresting. Hardly anyone gives a good performance that's memorable or interesting, especially in "The Phantom Menace", which in my opinion is where the bland acting for these films are at their worst! It even depresses me that the characters from the previous films like Yoda and C-3PO who are both voiced by their original actors lack the humor and charm that they brought in the previous films! When we're not being flooded with boring emotionless acting, we have to sit through CGI space creatures that look fake to the point where you can tell that the actors aren't interacting with them, as the characters themselves either come off as insufferably annoying and childish with the juvenile humor that they're given as they talk like children; racially offensive stereotypes; or are just as boring as the live actors! Who can also forget the insufferably annoying Jar-Jar Binks that many fans of the franchise hate to death! In all honesty, despite how much I bash this character, I actually do feel sorry for the actor voicing him since he has to suffer from all the hate that fans and critics (Including myself) give to the character that he's portraying! I really hope that this man can one day redeem himself, which I strongly encourage him to do so! While I'm on the topic of the CGI creatures; the over-use of CGI for these films are so fake, so cartoony, and so video game like that it just makes me wonder why Lucas didn't just animate the Prequels if he wants to express his true vision of the “Star Wars” universe without any limitations! He did it with the animated Spin-Off shows based on "The Prequel Trilogy" where it seems more welcoming, but with a live action film series that hardly uses any practical effects when there are so many practical means at creating these effects to only instead use CGI that looks painfully obvious, that it to me just seems like he could have just animated these films from the minute he started writing the story for "The Phantom Menace"! Finally we go to the story for these films and man are they for the most part lazily written and hardly ever intriguing! The politics in these movies are focused on way too much, instead being brought up in a simplistic way, like what the original trilogy did with its politics; the love story between Anakin and Padme is forced, corny, awkward, and even at times creepy; the stories themselves feel very rushed, especially Anakin's story-arc to the dark side; there are some continuity errors (Especially in “Revenge Of The Sith” sadly) that go against what the original films showed and told us (I'm only strictly speaking in terms of the films, not the books, expanded universes, TV Shows, or any of that jazz); and showing me things that I honestly didn't wish to see or want to know!

But as much as I bash on these films, that doesn't mean that there isn't some good things that you can appreciate from them. Yes, I did just talk about the things that you can appreciate from the third and final movie of the Trilogy (which I won’t bother repeating myself of what they are), but even in the first two films as pointless as they are, do have a few things worth seeing, like the Podrace and the fight against Darth Maul in "The Phantom Menace"; and the Clone Wars battle in "Attack Of The Clones". Aside from Ian Mcdiarmid's performance in the 3rd film and Christopher Lee as Count Dooku in the second and third movie; another character who I found myself starting to appreciate is Darth Maul. Yes he hardly has a personality, and yes he's in "The Phantom Menace" very little, but much like characters like Luca Brasi in "The Godfather", The Joker's henchman Bob in Tim Burton's "Batman", or even Bobba Fett in the original "Star Wars Trilogy", who are characters that hardly say or do anything, but are so cool and badass whenever they are present and given something to do that they just leave this huge impression on you, Darth Maul is actually no exception in that category. His design is awesome; he may not speak much, but his presence feels intimidating; and he's a highly skilled Jedi of the Dark Side who carries probably the coolest lightsaber ever. The Score by John Williams for these movies is also just as epic as it sounded in the original films, even if it doesn't mostly save these films from the bland acting and boring story-lines (with the exception of the third film)! But out of everything that I just talked about, the two things that I really admire from the whole entire Prequel series that I think should be appreciated whether you like the films or not are how much more we get to see of the "Star Wars" universe, and the upgraded lightsaber fights. I'm not saying those are all perfect either since the CGI for these different worlds at times does look painfully digitized, while the lightsaber fights are hit and miss in terms of fun and excitement, but they did do something that the original series couldn't do. Instead of being grounded to an imaginative set with creative characters lurking about, we get to see the cities and landscapes that look big and gigantic, even if they are in CGI. Instead of just having two guys tapping lightsabers, as cool as it was in the original films with the emotions supporting those scenes, we get stylized lightsaber fights with flips, kicks, dangerous obstacles surrounding their environment, and having the villains either carry more then one lightsaber or having a totally different type of lightsaber.

Still as good as the stuff that the "Prequel Trilogy" does deliver, it still sadly doesn't save them from being good movies. Even "Revenge Of The Sith" as much as I enjoyed it and recommend it out of all the films in the Trilogy for getting more right than what the other films did, I still don't think it's a good movie for the things that I faulted it for. I know that the Original Trilogy as great and groundbreaking as it is isn't pitch perfect either, but it has so much more to offer when compared to these films, especially in terms of character and story, which are two of the main ingredients of making a great movie, unlike these films where they are more based on style over substance (even if the 3rd film was close to having both) and as a front for Lucas to sell tons of merchandise based off of the movie “Where the real money for the movie is made”. I once again only recommend "Revenge Of The Sith" for the reasons that I pointed out in my review, even if it's not that good of a movie; but for the good things that can be found in "Phantom Menace" and "Attack Of The Clones", I guess they are worth a look, that is if you're willing to sit through a lot and I mean a lot of B.S. to get to the good parts! For me personally, I'll just stick to the original trilogy, and occasionally watch "Revenge Of The Sith" as my guilty pleasure, while with the other films (not counting "The Force Awakens" since I haven't seen it yet) despite a few good things that they have brought, I in all honesty can care less about them.

OVERALL RATING FOR "STAR WARS PREQUEL TRILOGY" 2/5

SPACEBALLS

Mel Brooks, my all time favorite comedic director. His humor, characters, spoofs and films are funny, memorable and you can watch them over and over and still find them funny. He's our Director of the month. Let's start with my first and possibly my favorite Mel Brooks film...

 

This Mel Brooks film is a parody to the original classic "Star Wars" Trilogy and is also what I like to call "History Of The World Part 2: Jews In Space". The Planet SpaceBall is running out of Air and Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis), President Skoorb (Mel Brooks) and Colonel Sandurz(George Wyner) plan to steal the air from the Planet Druidia. However, Lone Star (Bill Pullman), his sidekick Barf the Mog (John Candy), Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga), her Droid Dot (Voiced By Joan Rivers) and the wise creature Yogurt (Mel Brooks) plan to stop them. 




The characters in this are all funny, all memorable that not one of them is bland, unnecessary, out of place or not funny, they're also parody's on the "Star Wars" characters we know and love. You first have the hero Lone Star who's a mix between Luke and Han Solo, he gets some laughs in the film but his character and mix of characters are what make him so cool. His sidekick Barf who's a parody of Chewbacca the Wookie, is so funny, so over the top that only John Candy can make this character funny and memorable. Princess Vespa who's a parody of Princess Leia, is always funny as the whiny and bitchy gorgeous looking Drewish Princess. Her Droid being a parody of C3PO, well we all know how feminine C3PO is, so we get a girl Droid voiced by the funny Joan Rivers. Then we have Yogurt played by Mel Brooks who's a parody of Yoda and just by saying his name and watching Mel Brooks play the character is funny alone. The villains such as President Skoorb and Colonel Sandurz are funny but the one who steals the spotlight and probably is the best character in the film is Dark Helmet who's a parody of Darth Vader. There's always a funny moment going on whenever he's around, Rick Moranis does a great job playing him and on top of that he's the biggest loser villain you'd ever see and it makes you wonder how he got to be so powerful. The rest of the characters are memorable too but I won't spoil what other kinds of characters there are in the film.



As for the comedy, always has me laughing out loud and never ever gets old. The film not only parody's "Star Wars" but also parody's "Star Trek". The "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" jokes are everywhere, even in the opening and closing credits. The film also parodies many films and TV shows such as "The Wizard Of Oz", "Alien","Transformers","Planet Of The Apes" and so much more. The music is great and has a mix between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" while also sounding original. The music also parody's film scores and uses it during parody film moments such as "Jaws", "Lawrence Of Arabia" and "2001: A Space Odyssey". The fourth wall jokes in the film are one of the best fourth wall jokes you'd ever see.

The film has so many memorable funny moments and quotes that I'm not even going to point them all out. It's indeed one of Mel Brooks best and gets funnier every time I see it.

RATING 5/5

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

Well this is it, the horror of all bad TV specials, the topper of all the bad things George Lucas has ever done! This is every Star Wars fan's nightmare....

(I refuse to show anymore pictures or videos of the special)

After the 1st Star Wars film ("A New Hope") “Star Wars” became a big success and wowed audiences. It was creative; had great characters; had an epic story; had dazzling special effects; a powerful score; and payed homage to many classic movies. A year later, George Lucas already ruined his “Star Wars” by coming up with this crap. He claims he had no control over it and is personally ashamed of it. As a result, he tried to buy every copy of it, unfortunately it's still around. It's on “YouTube”, it's been bootlegged by “Star Wars” fans, and my favorite critic Doug Walker reviewed this awful mess. If “Star Wars” fans and my favorite critic can survive it, I figured so can I. Let me tell you how awful it is.

First off this isn't a Christmas special. It's about a fictional Holiday called "Life Day" that the Wookiees celebrate. Chewbacca and Han Solo are in a pointless space battle and are trying to get Chewie back to his family. Interesting plo,t but that's not the plot of the special, it's only the set up for it. The special is just about Chewies family (He has a family?) who are in trouble because the storm troopers have invaded their home. Aside from that the episode has no plot and is just a mess of skits, musical numbers, and celebrity appearances.

 The thing that I couldn't stand about this special is Chewies family. After the title screen, the first 8 minutes is just them roaring and doing stuff just as filler. What really annoys me is how the Wookiees communicate to each other. All they do is just roar and there's no subtitles to make the audiences understand what the hell they are saying. Seriously just put subtitles in! The roars are so annoying that it's nothing but ear rape throughout the whole special. Get use to their roars, because you'll be hearing them all special long. Oh my head is just aching from the first 8 minutes. In fact, the special doesn't look like a special, it looks like a pilot episode to a very bad sitcom that's “Star Wars” related. The plot for the special is boring and makes no sense at all. We constantly jump from the Wookiees plot, to pointless skits that only slow the special down and yes I will get to all that very soon.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is they got the whole “Star Wars” cast; the bad news is THEY SHOW UP IN CAMEOS! You read it right, the whole cast is in the special, but only show up in cameos. Each cast member from Star Wars does a pretty bad job and does not help the horrors in the special. Harrison Ford (Han Solo) looks like he's been forced out of his free will to do it; Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) looks gay(I'm not against Gay People) instead of looking cool(Reason why because he had reconstructive facial surgery from a car accident a few weeks earlier); Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) looks like she's on drugs and is waiting for her paycheck; C3PO and R2-D2 are not as funny or interesting as they were in the film; and Darth Vader shows up for only a minute or two .

The action and special effects in the special really suck. I know it's only a TV program and they don't use a big budget like films, but it still sucks. It uses obvious stock footage from the first film; a scene when Han is taking out a Strom Trooper looks cartoonish; and there's no epic battle with the Storm Troopers that invaded the Wookies house. The scene when Chewies son looks at a holographic box of creatures dancing was a cheap effect, been done before, and looks like something pointless from a kiddie show.

When they finally do go into battle they go into animation. The animated segment shows how low the budget is. The animation is completely crappy and looks like a coloring book; the faces for Luke and Han look worse than a deformed persons face; C3PO blinks his eyes, which he never did in the film; R2-D2 looks like he's made of rubbe;r and Chewbacca eyes look like a creepy old dolls eyes. The only good thing in this segment is this is the first time we meet Bounty Hunter Boba Fett, who is really cool throughout the cartoon, but to be frank, he doesn't really make the special worth watching. First live appearance was "The Empire Strikes Back" and I'm going to pretend it was the characters first appearance.

Now let’s talk about the celebrity appearances starting with Harvey Korman. Harvey Korman is a funny guy and knows how to make people laugh. He is best known for his appearances in the "Carol Burnett Show" and as the villain Hadley Lamar in Mel Brooks "Blazing Saddles". Two words on his performance in this special...NOT FUNNY. He shows up in three pointless skits in the special. His first appearance is him as a drag cook with four arms mostly saying Stir, Whip, and Beat. That performance is enough to make you puke and give you a splitting headache. His second performance is him being a malfunctioning robot teaching Chewie’s son how to build something. He's as boring as an instructional video, and when he malefactions, it sounds like bad sound effects and as he's making weird faces. His last performance is when he shows up in the Alien bar as an alien hitting on another celebrity in the skit. He's once again unfunny, boring, and does not look like an alien that drinks from his head, it looks like he's tired and has a bad hair day.


The next Celebrity is Art Carney. We know him best as the goofy neighbor Norton from the classics 50s TV show "The Honeymooners”. In this, it looks like his talent has been sucked out of him and nor does he look interested at all. It's like the director said "Stop being goofy and just read these lines". I think they just threw him in because of his recognition in "The Honeymooners" and won the Oscar for best actor in "Harry and Tonto" a few years ago. There's a scene when he's slowly working something which causes the Imperial officer to yell "Get on With It!", look at that... an unfunny reference to his character Norton.  He's completely useless in this special.


A scene in this special that really disturbs me is the appearance of Diahann Carroll. Art Carney gives Grandpa Wookie Itchy, a video and he tells him "It's a wow...if you know what I mean". He wishes him a Happy Life Day and then says "And I do mean a Happy Life Day." The video goes on and it looks like a hippie’s nightmare of a bad uninteresting acid trip, as well as having really cheap special effects. Suddenly Diahann Carroll appears half naked (No boobs are showing) and quietly sweet talks to Itchy which makes him rewind back and forth of what she is saying. You see Itchy’s face smiling and moving around, but you don't see his hand. Yes he's watching a badly made Wookie Porno in a family friendly program.  She then sings to Itchy and the segment ends. After seeing that scene I felt so dirty that I wanted to take a nice long shower.

When the Strom Troopers invaded the Wookie house, Art Carney shows them a 3-D holographic projector of Jefferson Starship playing "Light The Sky On Fire". I enjoy listening to Jefferson Starship and even though they rock, they didn't make the special worth watching. The holographic images of them look bad; they sound out of tune (To be fair maybe it was the quality of the video I watched of the special); and they just look like they were just thrown in the special (Like most of the celebrities in this special) as filler. There was no point of showing them.

Our last celebrity appearance is Bea Arthur playing the owner of the famous Alien bar on Tatooine full of imaginary characters, turns this great imaginative place into a musical number. Her bar is closing down because of having something to do with the empire (I'm guessing) and the aliens won't leave until they have one more drink. They then dance around to an annoying song and that's it. Oh by the way Greedo is in this skit...I thought he was dead? If you could bring Greedo in the special why couldn't they get Alec Guinness to play Obi Wan Kenobi's ghost?  I'm actually glad they didn't get him.  Getting back to the skit it's lame, annoying, not funny, not creative, full of plot holes, and is pointless.

Our finale of the special is when they finally celebrate Life Day. All the Wookiees are roaring at once, which is as painful as hearing nails scraping a chalkboard. We see very cheap surreal effects; all the characters are together acting extremely corny (like the whole special); and Princess Leia begins singing out of tune to a very bland and corny song, with a face that says "I don't know what’s going on, I'm just high". You know how powerful the “Star Wars” theme is and it's all instrumental, this song is in the tune of the “Star Wars” theme with lyrics only a 7 year old boy could write. What a way to ruin something powerful. If you're going put lyrics in the “Star Wars” theme song hire Bill Murray, it's more meaningful and clever, then this piece of crap. The special ends with a montage of clips from “Star Wars” to probably make us forget what we just witnessed. When you think it's over, we're back with the Wookiees for the last 3 minutes.


THIS SPECIAL IS S--T! It completely ruined “Star Wars” and this is before the other two classic “Star Wars” films came out, this is before the bad Prequel Trilogy came out; this is before Jar Jar Binks showed up. It's shocking to find out that George Lucas ruined his “Star Wars” right after the first one came out. I even heard by rumor this special is coming out on Blu-Ray....HELP! For those “Star Wars” fans out there who love “Star Wars” and collect and watch everything that has to do with “Star Wars”; don't watch this special; you'll never look at “Star Wars” the same way again. For those Star Wars fans that have seen it, I feel so bad for you and I hope the Force is still with you.

If this rumor is true(Surely it's not under George Lucas's control because he hates it as much as we hate it)  buy every copy of the special and burn it that way no one can track down the special. For those who have the special, destroy it while you still can, for those who posted it on YouTube take it off. Once they're all gone and every trace of the special is gone we can forget it never happened and trust me it won't be missed. It's not too late to rid of George Lucas's awful mess, we are not just saving the lives of “Star Wars” fans but we are also helping George Lucas's dream of riding this mess come true.

RATING: DESTROY IT

NOTE: FOR THOSE WHO TOOK MY LAST MESSAGE SERIOUSLY KNOW THAT I WAS JUST JOKING, AND SADLY THAT DREAM CAN NEVER BE ACCOMPLISHED; BUT YOU GOT TO ADMIT, IT IS A NICE IDEA AND A GOOD DREAM.

STAR WARS EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

 

Last year I wrote a review on the first movie of the Star Wars Prequels, "The Phantom Menace". I praised the films special effects, make-up, costume design, set design and score, and believe it or not the film was nominated for three Oscars for their special effects, the film was also a merchandising success...no surprise there. It also left us a catchy song by Weird AL called “The Saga Begins! However, aside from the effects of the film, the film didn't make it on my top 10 list of films I reviewed in 2009 due to bad acting and a non-exciting story line. The film itself was also nominated for 7 Razzies including Worst Picture and walked away with one Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor Jar Jar Binks, which is pretty understandable because a lot of Star Wars fans say he ruined the film. A few years later a Second movie for the prequel trilogy was made. On with the review!



10 years after the events of "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace". Senator Padmé Amidala (Natilie Portman) was almost assassinated. Two Jedi Knights, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewabn McGregor) and his Padawan Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) split up to do different Missions. Anakin's Mission is to stay with Amidala to protect her from harm, but while he's protecting her, the two of them begin to show their feelings to each other. Obi Wan's Mission is to find out who ordered the assassination attempt on Amidala. The clues lead up to a mysterious planet called Kamino where Clones are being made by Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison) and Count Dooku (Christopher Lee).




The acting in the film is just as bad as the first film of the Prequel trilogy! The romance between Anakin and Amidala is still as corny as when they first met in the first film of the Prequels and to make matters worse for you Star Wars fans, Jar Jar is in this film...but only for a couple of scenes. Aside from that, you're probably thinking I thought the film was as boring as the first film of the prequels and it's not as actioned packed as the original Trilogy right? My answer to that is yes and no.




Granted the film was just as boring as "The Phantom Menace" was , however, there were a lot of scenes that held me to the edge of my seat not a few like "The Phantom Menace", and I mean a lot. Like the chase scene at the beginning of the film; the fight between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett; but the biggest action scene I loved the most is the EPIC Clone Wars battle at the end of the film!!!! The battle in "The Phantom Menace" was good, but not as EPIC AS THIS! What I love about the Clone Wars is 1: We see more Jedis fighting. 2: The two droids make this scene a little comical, 3: Christopher Lee does a great performance, but the best part of all in the fight is we get to see Yoda KICK SOME ASS! This battle totally paid off from watching bad acting, a corny love story, and an unexciting story line. OH and just like "The Phantom Menace" the special effects are good. I love the sets like the City, Kamino, the Library, and the Driods Factory. The Sound effects were stunning and the traditional Light saber fights and score has still never failed! Still I will admit, the CGI used in the film is overused that it does get boring to look at after awhile. Even the battle scenes themselves at times look like cut scenes from a video game.

Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones has slightly improved the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, but it's still not that good.

RATING 3/5