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Wednesday, August 22, 2018

BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA (1985) VS. DISNEY'S BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA

Before I begin let me fairly warn you that this review will contain SPOILERS! With that out of the way let me talk about my experience with a classic children's book written by Katherine Paterson...

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Back in the year 2004 when I was in 4th grade, my class during the English portion of our daily schedule would read a book chosen by our teacher as each student would take a turn reading a a section out-loud (and at one pointing acting out a scene while reading it). One of the books that we were assigned to read was "Bridge to Terabithia", the story about two kids from different classes who get along well through their misfit status among people, and create an imaginary kingdom deep in the woods to escape their harsh reality. Like most books we read, I had a tiny attention span at that time as the book itself just seemed like some generic boringly average everyday life that involved kids dealing with their issues. I was more into fantasies written by Roald Dahl, the "Goosebumps" books, "Choose Your Own Adventures", or easy-to-read adaptions of classic literature from the "Great Illustrated Classics" series. I could care less about a book involving friendship between two kids. However, when the news came out that the character Leslie died as we were reading the book, my class was shocked, and I was too considering that not many children's books about life would take that dark turn, at least not with killing off kids. But since I was paying little to no attention to the book beforehand (even when reading it aloud), I brushed off Leslie's death since I had no connection to her and slept through the rest of the story.

Traditionally after we read the book that we had to read together, we would usually watch a film adaptation of the book, and before Disney's film adaptation to the story, there was an hour long film made for PBS in 1985...

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At the same time that we were watching a movie, we were also celebrating a birthday party for one of my classmates (and good friend), and whenever it was someone's birthday, the birthday boy/girl would be given the task to go to a few classrooms to hand-out cupcakes or any kind of pastries we had. Not interested in seeing the film for how riveting the book was, I decided to aid my friend with handing them out, successfully missing 10 minutes or so of the film, as I'd hope. I came back to the room where we were watching the film (we weren't in the classroom for some reason) and was about ready to drift away into my thoughts for ideas when it came to writing stories, but then something happened that I didn't expect. I was moved and swept away by the relationship between Jess and Leslie for how they interacted, pretend in their little world, and dealt with their problems. I became so invested that I forgot that she died in the book, and when her death happened I cried in a flood of tears, trying to catch my breath, grasp the reality of the situation, but I refused to accept it. I was literally going through the motions that Jess was going through despite that she wasn't real. I remember watching the film praying for this death to be a fake-out, since I didn't have a single memory of what happened afterwards in the book, but when I discovered that she was dead while I was given a sweet ending with Jess and his sister, I broke down as the teachers and my friends comforted me. I'd never in my young life ever felt so broken-up over a death of a character, and this was coming out of a kid who watched and obsessed over Disney 24 7! To cope with this emotional scar, I used my writing to write fan-fictions of me entering the world of "Terabithia" where I'd interact with the characters (mostly Leslie). And since I became so attached to the movie, I began renting it at the library numerous occasions as the pain I had started to slowly die.

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A year and a half later when I was in Middle School, I discovered online that Disney was remaking the film, and I was hyped to see it, despite of the film's false advertising of tricking Narnia fans that they were going to get an action/adventure fantasy film. It showed the world of "Terabithia", it was made by Disney, and it had stars that caught my interest like Robert Patrick (who I admired him so much as the T-1000 back in 5th grade) and one of my childhood crushes at the time AnnaSophia Robb (which made the stakes higher for me about Leslie dying after already letting it go). I saw the film in theaters, and I remembered loving it for its effects, performances, and giving more depth to the characters, as well as feeling sad over Leslie's death (that probably would've hitted me harder as a kid if I wasn't prepared for it). It was an improvement over the original that made me want to buy it as soon as it came out on DVD with the little money that I had tucked away, making it the first movie that I ever bought. And it inspired me to bring my fan-fiction to the world of Terabithia to the next level.

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As I grew more and more attached to the remake, the less I found myself enjoying the original, where I began to realize to my disrepair that the original was not as powerful as I remembered it to be. It had very hokey acting, most of the characters weren't given much depth and focus as they were in the book and remake, the low budget quality was unappealing after I was given a high budget special effects heavy movie from Disney, and I found myself laughing at moments that probably weren't meant to be funny. It was a film that didn't hold-up, where I mentioned briefly in my review of the 2007 film of how the remake blew the original out of the water. I grew even more distant from the film when I discovered that Paterson's son David (who the character Jess was loosely based-on) produced and wrote the remake as a response for his dissatisfaction of the original referring it to be as the "crazy cousin that nobody talks about" claiming that "no one on our side was either involved with it or happy with the final product". So that helped me dismiss the original even further making me come to terms that it’s absolute trash.

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Now that didn't mean I thought the remake was a masterpiece either! I found it to be quite over the top at times with its whimsical moments, and though I liked what I saw of Terabithia, I wished that I could've seen more, but that wasn't enough for me to say that it was bad. That is until I saw the Nostalgia Critic do a review on the film, who felt that the film's world and Leslie's depiction was unnaturally wholesome and unrealistic for how close to perfect everything about it is; the action in the fantasy world having very little tie-ins to their reality; and pointing out more corny moments that I didn't remember being as sappy as he made it out to be. It began to make me think if the remake really was a good movie. I then began finding clips on "Youtube" of the 1985 film and went from laughing at its cheesy nature, to getting a bit of the feels at certain moments that I'm not sure if they were just my nostalgic memories coming back to me, or that the original may not have been as awful as its been labeled as.

I later on found the full 85 film on "YouTube", and decided to re-watch both films to analyze how much that these films got right, and as likely as it seems that the remake may have the upper-hand by comparison, is there anything that the original did right and better than the remake...at all? Let's take a closer look at these two. And by the way since the 85 film is very obscure (who talks about it, or even knows about its existence) I couldn't find enough pictures to tie them to the topic for each section. So this will unfortunately remain as a picture-less review.

Starting off with our protagonist Jess Aarons, there's not too much of a difference in terms of character for how almost identical they are depicted in both versions, while perfectly fitting the different time period that each film takes place in. There's not much really to compare and contrast in terms of characteristics. However, there is one major difference between both versions of Jess and that's how they're both performed. Whenever I watch the remake of "Bridge to Terabithia" I keep finding more things to appreciate about Josh Hutcherson's performance, mainly because he feels like a real kid and is very subtle with his emotions (well...when the film tries not to spell-out what he's feeling). Out of all the kids in the remake, he just seems to be more down to earth since he's not portrayed as a stereotype of a kid, or is as over the top as the others. And when he gets frustrated, confused, or warms up to new things that he's hesitant to it feels mostly legit. The actor playing Jess in the original on the other hand, he's trying but he doesn't sell it. When a scene calls for him to react in a certain way, he seems confused and unsure how to express what the character's feeling. And whenever he has to deliver his lines, it seems that he's trying to remember and say his lines at the right time causing him to sound unnaturally stale, as he mostly keeps a blank look on his face. The only emotion he seems to know how to do okay is to yell when being frustrated (his scene of making May Belle swear on the holy bible was actually not that bad), but even then, he messes it up at times from how he has to be angry, shocked, and sad at the same time (I'll get into much more detail about that later). To be perfectly fair, it's not the kid's fault alone because everybody else in this film are not good actors, which is easily an advantage that the remake has over the original. Most of the people cast in the original don't come across as professionally trained actors, and it greatly shows from the majority of it being bland, more focused of the actors saying their lines than conveying emotion and working-off each other at a very awkward pace. However, if I were to judge everybody in this film just based on performance alone, then I'd be given praise to the remake as if I were giving away free money, and that's not why I'm comparing the two. I'm really trying to compare how the characters are portrayed and written, it's just since the comparison between both versions of Jess are near identical, the only way for me to choose which version is better is simply by performance.

However, there's still more to explore in terms of Jess' relationship to the characters and how each of them are portrayed, and it makes sense to look at the person who has left a big impact on his life, Leslie. AnnaSophia Robb is very charming as Leslie by capturing her free-spirited and creative nature, while having her quiet moments of feeling alone. But looking at the film again (and I really hate to admit it too), I can almost swear that Disney was originally trying to market her off as a live-action Disney princess, or sell merchandise with her image attached to it (they did get the actress to do a music video for the film, almost as if Disney thought that it would keep the kids from feeling depressed over her character's death). Leslie doesn't look or behave like a regular kid in the remake, but more of a modern-day live action Disney princess. In almost every scene she's in, she's shot, edited, and directed to look and act glamorous, where her personality seems so unbelievably perfect from the way she speaks and inspires that it's almost as if she's made as a role model than a kid who's talented but lonely and different. The struggles that she goes through feel so minor in the long run that you'd think she'd be the most popular kid in the school for how smart, and beautiful she is. Even the tacky clothing she's given to stand-out as a misfit looks pretty and fashionable on her than it does make her an outcast. Hell the bully Janice sometimes wears clothes as colorful as hers, so it makes the attempt of her visually looking different than the others even more of a misfire. And oddly enough, that's by far the one advantage that the original has over the remake. Now don't get me wrong, the actress playing Leslie is nearly as wooden as Sofia Coppola in "The Godfather Part III". But in the very least I can take her a bit more seriously for how less of a model she looks, and more how she looks and acts like an average kid. I don't get the impression that she wears clothing similar to what boys' wear, cuts her hair short, and wears thick glasses to seek out attention, or that they hired an actress to make her look like a misfit. I completely believe that's what the character would look like given her love for sports, wanting to be part of the boys crowd, and how great of a writer she is. And given credit where credit is due, her awkward acting does in a way help create the awkward tension that she feels around the kids, strangely making her fish-out-of-water presence seem more believable. Even how she gets into her fantasy world seems a bit endearing, rather than sounding whimsically forced and creepy (let's be honest, didn't Leslie in the remake seem just a little distant from feeling like that she's just playing pretend at times). The only time when the original Leslie's love for Terabithia does seem unnatural is how she just suddenly comes up with the idea and uncomfortably pulls Jess into the woods telling him that "no one will ever find them", otherwise the fun and enchantment that she feels for the place she made-up is a little more natural, or at least less forced than how the remake depicted her feelings. Let me make this clear, I don't at all hate AnnaSophia Robb as Leslie and I don't take any pleasure panning her either. She is adorably sweet and charismatic as the character, and you can tell that she's putting her heart and soul into the role (she actually got the part just for writing the director a letter for how much she loved the book). I just have a really hard time believing that she would be the unpopular girl in school for how lovely she looks, and for not having enough relatable characteristics to her since the film tries so hard to make her the flawless and inspirational life coach in Jess' life who's always right and confident in what she says and does. This isn't Robb's fault at all, it's the way Disney chose to handle her character. 

The person who changed Jess' life is shockingly better in the original than Disney updating her to a Mary Sue, but what about Jess' little sister May Belle who he gives a large piece of Leslie's legacy to so that he can keep her spirit alive, and bring him closer to the person that he always gives the cold shoulder to. Well remember how I complained about how the remake made Leslie too precious, the original kind of does the same for May Belle. She's not made to look as unnaturally cute as say the Olsen Twins, but it's clear that the director behind the movie wanted to make her as cute and innocent as possible to overlook how bad her acting is, which doesn't work. It's actually very annoying for how much she's trying to phone in her cutesy personality from how she talks and slurs her lines as she does a terrible job of pretending to be upset, and constantly whining to the point where maybe it was best for Jess to keep her away from Terabithia at all costs. That's not to say that Bailee Madison in the remake doesn't at times phone in the characters sweet nature too, but she's definitely more tamed than the girl in the original let alone being a better actress. Much like how Jess is portrayed, she too feels like a real kid than just a character who's made to look perfectly cutesy. She's stubborn, she worries, she gets legitimately upset, she gets annoying, she does weird things, she makes mistakes, and oh my goodness why wasn't Leslie given the same treatment?! Did Disney want to make her so perfect that we wouldn't suspect her to die? But I digress! I'm not saying that May Belle's characteristics weren't there in the original, it's just that it never felt natural, and to make matters worse, she and Jess share very little screen-time together. Jess yells at her in the opening scene to than suddenly comforting her; has one small moment of him showing his jealously towards her; May Belle gets mad at Jess for not standing-up to a bully; she tells him that she knows where he and Leslie go; comments on Leslie's death very briefly; and Jess invites her in to Terabithia. I get that the original isn't a 2 hour film, and that things have to be shorten, but the scenes with his sister are so short (apart from Jess forcing her to keep Terabithia a secret, as well as the very last scene) that him inviting her to his secret spot after feeling bad for how he's treated her doesn't feel earned, since you don't get that much of a sense for how she annoys him (her annoying acting doesn't count) and wants to keep himself distant from her as much as possible. In the remake, you feel all the tension that he has with his sister for being jealous of how his father always favors her over him, touches his stuff, and is constantly annoyed that she won't leave him alone, while all that May Belle wants to do is be friends with his brother and play with him as well helping him but accidentally messing things up. And once Jess snaps at her and pushes her when she follows him to Terabithia after the death of his friend when all she was trying to do was give him her loving support after being so worried about him, it makes the act of him bringing his sister to Terabithia more rewarding and enchanting. The friendship between Jess and Leslie is an essential part of the story, but so is his relationship with May Belle since she's the person that he shows redemption to.

The supporting characters in both films, I'll admit are very much hit and miss regardless of their different qualities in acting. I suppose the best place to start regarding the supporting characters are the teachers. In the remake we had Jess and Leslie's strict teacher Mrs. Myers (Jen Wolfe), and the upbeat music teacher who Jess has a crush on Ms. Edmunds (Zooey Deschanel) who are both perfectly casted as the two teachers in Jess' life that are the polar opposite from each other. The original however, makes an interesting choice with these characters. The only famous actress that the original film can afford to hire was Annette O'Toole who was given top billing, and I guess since they didn't want their money to go to waste by casting her as Jess' music teacher Miss Edmunds, they decided to also combine her character to Mrs. Myers as well. On one hand, I kind of like this change. After Jess bitterly tells Miss Edmunds at Leslie's funeral that they should take Leslie to the art museum the next time that they decide to go, we never see the two reconnect afterwards, leaving this character in an awkward in position. So, the idea of having her tell Jess about how she felt when she lost her husband and understands what he's going through does give their relationship a bit of closure and is sweet to hear that a person who Jess admires knows his pain. However, there are still many problems regarding this change. First there's Annette O'Toole's performance, the only other film I've seen her in was in "IT" as adult Beverly and maybe she's better in other films and shows, but here she gives a very bland performance, that's not as hokey as her performance in "IT" (with the exception of her speech at the end), but still incredibly dull. She just doesn't seem to be that interested in the character she's playing for how monotone her voice is and expressionless she looks. Maybe perhaps it isn't her and that she's just given bad direction in the film's I've seen her in. If that were the case, it makes sense for not just how weak everybody's acting in the film is. But how she swings back and forth from a strict and annoyed teacher, to behaving as playful and enthusiastic towards her students (and yet still seeming miserable and near emotionless) when given the scenes that the music teacher has in the book and remake is obvious sign that these two characters don't jell together as one. It's a nice idea to have the music teacher share a personal experience in her life to help inspire him, but I think it's best to leave it to Mrs. Myers since that moment shows that she's not as cold as she leads her students on, that makes her seem human and less of a cardboard cut-out stereotype of a grouchy teacher.

But what's an imperfect life in school without its bullies? To be truly honest this is not an easy choice since both films get one bully character right. In the remake, Jess has two one dimensional bullies to face instead of one which are Scott Hoager and Gary Fulcher who look and act like the kind of bullies that you'd see ripped straight off of a Disney channel sitcom, or an After School special. They're the kind of bullies who are so goofy that they're hard to find intimidating or cool enough to be the ones who wouldn't be bullied. In the original there's only one bully who Jess encounters who may not be as memorable or in the film nearly as long as the bullies in the remake, but he’s at least cold, patronizing, and violent while still feeling like a real kid. His acting may not be so great, but I can take him more seriously when compared to what Hollywood thinks of the typical school bullies. Then there's the bully who starts out intimidating until later on showing that she only bullies people to feel strong for what goes on in her home life Janice Avery. And how she's depicted in the original is so downplayed and left more as a footnote to give the film some kind of edge after abandoning Leslie's thoughts on religion that it's easy to miss. When we first see Janice, we see her on the bus where she's shot from a faraway distance that's facing her back most of the time making threats to Leslie and Jess that are weakly written and delivered in a very bored way. Later on, when May Belle complains about Janice stealing her Twinkie, we only see one shot of Janice standing in front of the field holding a ball, and don't see her again until we see her in the bathroom standing there looking somewhat sad after Jess and Leslie pulled a prank on her. We then get exposition about her sadness from Leslie, and that's the last we ever see or hear from her. In the remake there's more depth and personality given to the character. Unlike in the original we see her bully the kids with a personality that’s just as silly as how Scott and Gary bully the leads, except that she takes the extra mile by making the kids pay to use the bathroom (why hasn't any of the kids reported her to the teachers or something? Come to think of it, who's even watching the kids during recess?). Later on when Jess and Leslie pull their prank on her, we don't cut to her crying in the bathroom about how the news of her father beating her got out, we see her get humiliated in front of the person who she thought wrote the love letter to her, and then hear her cry in the bathroom the next day, see her looking depressed on the bus, and then learn about the incident. And Janice's appearance doesn't stop there, because outside of seeing her as a troll in Terabithia, we see her after Leslie's death take on one of the bullies who messed with Jess and sit next to him on the bus greeting him, indicating that she feels bad for Jess and is sad about Leslie too after how she helped her, that possibly hints to the two of them becoming friends. The bullies in the original may be less over the top than they are in the remake, but the remake does give more focus on the character of Janice, who is more important than the side bullies.

School life is one part of the characters harsh reality, how about their home life? Let's start with Jess'. Putting May Belle aside, neither version of Jess' family really stood out. He had nagging sisters and that was it, and a mother who struggled and showed some care for Jess but we never got an idea how close Jess truly was to her. The only difference between both versions of Jess' family was that the remake has (big shock) better acting than the original. The real meat when comparing the two is the relationship that Jess has with his father. In the original just like his relationship with Janice and May Belle, the father is given very little depth. Actually, before he informs Jess about the news of Leslie's passing, we only see him in one tiny scene where he criticizes his son for being late with his chores that sounds more like he's telling him not to do them than he is trying to enforce it, as he a few seconds later embraces May Belle and apologizes for not getting her a treat from the city. I guess that moment is supposed to show Jess being upset that his father favors May Belle over him, but it's so badly acted and moves so fast that it's hard to grasp how he feels, especially when we don't get other scenes of showing Jess' tension towards his father before he comforts him after finally breaking down about Leslie. The remake constantly keeps that tension going between Jess and his father. Considering that he's being played by an actor who knew how to frighten and intimidate people as the T-1000, Robert Patrick gives this character a very bitter presence, who you can tell that his character is not trying to ignore Jess or wants to be bitter towards him. But given the finical troubles that he struggles with on a day-to daily bases it infuriates him when Jess always has his head in the clouds causing him more problems with their livelihoods by rescuing an animal that eats their food in the greenhouse, and forgetting to give him the keys to the store and cash register that causes him to harshly insult his son and lash out at him angrily. Plus, Jess is no longer as young as May Belle, and expects him to act like a man and put his fantasies aside and think as rationally as he does. Because of the father's frustration with Jess not growing-up and learning about responsibility, Jess uses his imagination and his experience with Leslie to help him learn how to put his dreams and fantasies to practical use that impress his father more and more when Jess returns home. And most of those moments of his father realizing this and the tension that Jess has with him are not being spelled out through dialogue or having a shot that unnaturally focuses on their faces for 10 seconds, thus making these moments more effective. After he tells Jess the shocking news of Leslie's sudden departure, he goes from tucking Jess in after shielding the door in his room shut and passing out on his bed, to comforting him by telling him that it's not his fault and that he can still keep Leslie's spirit alive. Their last moment beautifully ends their arc since Jess ends his grieving and denial over Leslie's death by accepting the reality of it from his father helping him confront his fears as Jess' father understands that having your head in the clouds isn't always a bad thing for how Leslie and his imagination helped improved his life. And what shocks me the most is, Disney doesn't make this harsh father figure tell his son that he loves him to comfort him, because you feel his love and care for his son through his actions during these tender moments. I don't think I even need to explain how the original handles the father and son moment after this tragic turn of events because it doesn't feel as special as how Disney handles it for how minor a role the father plays where the only reason why he went out to find and comfort his son is because...well, he's his father. Truthfully out of all the relationships that Jess has with the characters have in the remake, it's the relationship between him and his father that I feel the closest too since how the way they act and work-off each other feels believable.

Then there's Leslie's family, who Jess is slightly jealous of for how rich, happy, and well educated they are. They seem like the perfect family to have, maybe a little too perfect. As if Leslie in the remake isn't already unnaturally flawless, how about giving her parents who are just as exaggeratedly upbeat and wholesome as she is. Leslie tells Jess that she's alone because her family spend most of their time away from her doing their writing, but come on from the way that Leslie and her parents interact like the ideal American family, am I really supposed to buy that they don't spend enough time with her? They're always smiling and acting cheerful to a creepy level for how forced it is; quoting historical figures; ask her for help or if she wants to come with them to do some errands; and appear to be so close together that it looks like that they're posing for some kind of Halmark commercial! I can understand that you have to make Leslie's family happier than Jess', but you don't have to make them look like the happy families that you'd see posing in a photograph or picture album! Leslie's family in the original isn’t as annoyingly perfect, but they don't seem like the kind of people who are more educated and happier than Jess'. Ignoring the mother since she only shows up greeting Jess during the funeral for a few seconds, the father played by Peter Dvorsky (who was previously in horror films like "The Dead Zone" and "Videodrome") doesn't scream out as someone clever and sophisticated. When he talks about how much he loves Beethoven when he first appears, he doesn't seem like he actually cares about the genius of Beethoven for how unenthusiastic he sounds. And when he talks in big words, it sounds like a forced attempt to make him seem well educated as he wears glasses and forced to smoke and carry a pipe and turn his back to the camera standing tall while placing his hands on hips to make him appear to be strong and classy, when he obviously doesn't appear to be from his mannerism and how he seems to be directed to behave this way. The father also does the total opposite of how Leslie's parents treated her. He doesn't suffocate her by showing her too much love; he looks like he could care less about her. He seems quite bored when he's around her, not appearing to be acting like a father but as an actor who's just acting with a little girl who he clearly acknowledges is not really his own. Even when she's dead he doesn't seem to be upset for how phony his crying is. He comes off more concerned with giving Jess back the dog that he gave to Leslie (as he seems to be reading a cue card when thanking him) to then quickly pushing Jess aside and leaving as if he never gave an actual damn for the things Jess did for his daughter. In the long run, both versions of Leslie's family are portrayed terribly, just on a different kind of level of bad. But if you had to make me, choose which one was better, I'd have to go with (once again) the remake. At least I can believe that Leslie's father was more choked-up about her daughter's death than the father in the original, as he has a few moments where he feels like a real father. Actually, now when I think about it, plenty of them! The only time when the family seem as unnatural holy as the families, you'd see in a Christian movie is when Jess finally meets them, after that they're a bit more grounded (probably because we don't see them again until she dies).

Now we get to the grim part of the story, Leslie's death. I know I talked about it numerous times in the review where it seems most likely that the remake is going to be the one that does it better, but there are other parts to the event that are worth talking about. One thing that the remake was not very subtle about was how it hints that Leslie was going to die. When they find the rope that they swing across to Terabithia we hear ominous music, with Jess behaving reluctant towards it, that later on leads to Leslie mysteriously disappearing, making Jess drastically worry about her; we see a foreboding shot of Jess staring at Leslie's house when leaving with the music teacher; the water in the creek suddenly rises and creates a rapid tide that looks too dangerous to swing across; a big drawn-out climatic battle happens at the half-way point in the movie; and that awkwardly forced whimsical shot in slow-mo of Leslie waving Jess goodbye where we never see her again after that. The film might as well have Leslie talk about her fear of dying, or show the rope slowly tear apart every time they use it to build-up suspense to her demise, considering that the film feels the need to give kids obvious signals that she's doomed to prepare them for it, you know like in real-life! I can't say that the original doesn't hint at it too, but it’s way more subtle for how less dramatic the remake makes it out to be. When they use a fallen tree to cross the creek, (instead of a rope), Jess gets nervous about falling as he jokes to Leslie if she'd like to "make a bet" if he won't as we hear lighthearted music in the background, making the scene appear as a small cute moment between the two rather than darkly emphasizing how untrustworthy the tree is. What I find interesting about the original is that we do see Leslie a bit before she meets her maker. After getting a corny and overlong last encounter with Jess and Leslie the previous day, we cut to the very next day of Leslie leaving the house to go to Terabithia during a heavy rain-shower. Obviously, there are some weird vibes from the atmosphere. However, instead of seeing Leslie leave and not appearing again, we see her standing in the rain getting soaked assuming that she made it across the creek safe and sound since she's standing in the middle of the woods eagerly waiting for Jess to meet up with her. As she impatiently waits, we keep cutting to Jess visiting the art museum, that comes across as a selfish act and less like a moment of building suspense. Jess beforehand briefly mentions that he forgot to call Leslie to his teacher but stops himself before he can finish and brushes it aside as if he forgot to do one of his chores, given that he's visiting a place that he's never been to with a person he secretly admires. Again, the film doesn't try as hard to signal us that Jess not calling Leslie will be the drastic end of their friendship for how Jess quickly shrugs off his realization for this golden opportunity. The original may not be giving us as many signals to a downfall of a great character for how little these moments are played out, but really both versions didn't need to foreshadow it at all. In most cases in life when someone dies it usually catches a person by surprise for when they least expect it to happen, and sometimes at a time when a person feels that they are so above everything for how life seems to be on their side that they feel betrayed when it suddenly takes something important away from them. And that's not to say that the message isn't there in these films, it’s just the execution doesn't make it that big of a surprise where the version that made it less obvious by comparison is indeed the original.

Jess' reaction and how he deals with Leslie's death is an entirely different story. I've already established that Peeta is the best Jess, and that his father comforting him is a powerful scene that changes both characters perspectives on life. But there are so many more gut-punching scenes involving Jess dealing with the loss of his friend! We see him go through all the 5 stages of grief; see the tree-house and woods where he used to hang-out look less enchanted without Leslie there as his imagination plays a darker role toward facing his fears; and witness Jess worry about his and Leslie's soul after witnessing May Belle and Leslie having a conversation of how they view religion differently earlier in the film. When I first saw the film in theaters I swear to God that I was hoping to see Jess see some kind of fantasy image of Leslie helping him to accept his loss or congratulating him when he brings May Belle to Terabithia; something almost reminiscent of Simba seeing Mufasa's specter, or Obi-Wan Kneobi's force ghost telling Luke that Yoda will always be with him. But to my disappointment eventually leading to my satisfaction as I got older, Disney doesn't go down that route. It's one of the all-time saddest deaths that Disney has ever brought to the screen for how mostly serious and down-beat it is, which I can't say the same about the original for being so laughably silly that it almost feels like a tongue-and-cheek self-parody. As soon as Jess hears about Leslie's fate, he goes from having this blank "whhhaaaa" expression on his face as if he just zoned out, to looking casual when hearing the news, and then showing some form of emotion when he believes that he’s being lied to. At first it seems like the typical bland acting when he says “you’re lying to me”, until after a few seconds of not saying anything he suddenly shouts out "YOU LIE!" that's over the top and yet seems like he doesn't really care about what happened to her for how phoned in that line is, where the scene ends with the actor now trying to give a crap for how over dramatic his performance is! For a while I thought the kid shouting "You Lie" was improvised at the very last minute that I guess the director decided to keep it in for his efforts to create drama. That was until I actually heard someone off-screen say those words before Jess could which obviously means that the kid was being directed to say such a stupidly cliched line that he forgot to say for how long his pause is. That line and delivery does not fit in one tiny bit at all! But it's sooo dreadful that it's the part of the movie that had me roaring with so much laughter that I began to question how this was able to make me cry my eyes out as a kid as opposed to bursting open a gut while laughing insanely hard. This moment is so priceless that it should be on the wall of infamous scenes in film that made us laugh for the wrong reasons such as "Oh my god" from "Troll 2", and "I did not hit her" from "The Room".

The kid's Tommy Wiseau style of acting (I feel so bad ripping on this poor actor who probably takes no pleasure looking back at it the same way how Jake Lloyd does with "Star Wars") gets more laughable when his father catches up to him after he runs, by being given some of the worst dubbing to have ever existed! This is the same kind of bad dubbing you'd see in "The Room", his lip movements don't match with he's saying where his voice sounds like that the actor is casually recording them in a booth putting no emotion into it for how clear it is. And it's a tragedy because during this moment of sadness and disbelief Jess angrily speaks about how much he hates Leslie, wishing that he never met her, that's written so harshly that I wish that the remake had it. But since the acting, dubbing, and silly lines like "I hurt daddy" totally kills the emotion that we're supposed to get out of it, it fails miserably. By the way, remember how I mentioned in the Disney remake how much they make Leslie look like a fashion model, and that we never see Jess' thoughts of her materialize in his imagination, well the original at one point is guilty of what Disney did and made a very unwise choice that Disney successfully avoided. After all this gripping drama, we then see Jess have flashbacks of Leslie smiling, posing for the camera, and walking while hearing her voice express how much she loves Terabithia. She's not as dolled up as Leslie is in the remake, but she does look like she's posing for some kind of commercial or opening credits to a Family sitcom, which I guess isn't so bad since it's used once in the film and Jess is thinking of her hence why she looks so perfect and smiley. Still much like how the films didn't need any foreshadows to her death, this didn't feel warranted either, especially when being for an hour-long movie where clearly other things needed more attention than this.

However, out of everything the original gets wrong when handling Leslie's death, the biggest offender that's so insulting, so stupid, and so upsetting that it has actually bothered me a bit when I was a kid, is that THERE IS NO BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA! In the remake after the rope broke off killing Leslie, and Jess sees May Belle almost falling off a log that helped him get across the creek without the rope, Jess decides to build a bridge combining his artistic talents and carpentry skills that he developed from Leslie to guide May Belle safely across the creek when taking her to Terabithia. In the original, after Leslie falls off the tree and dies, and Jess saves May Belle from almost falling off the very same tree, what does Jess do? He simply takes her in shrugging off the fact that his sister almost suffered the same fate as his dear friend did, shows her Terabithia, crowns her, and the credits roll. Does Jess build a bridge? Do they find an alternate way of getting to the kingdom? We'll never know, and we never see Jess do or learn any building skills prior to this, so it seems most likely that the two are just going to keep crossing this hazardous tree just to play pretend until one of them falls and dies, who will most likely be May Belle. For God's sake, Leslie is built up to be more physically fit than all the other characters in this film, and she died; so what makes Jess think that May Belle is going to have such a better chance after literally saving her for how small and weak she is!? I get it, it's only an hour movie made for TV, and they probably don't have the time or money to shoot a scene of Jess building a bridge! But you don't give the characters a clear problem that will greatly affect their lives in the future and just leave it unsolved hoping that a happy ending will make you forget all about it. And if the people behind the film don't realize or (most likely) CARE that the solution is in the DAMN TITLE OF THE MOVIE, then WHY SHOULD WE?! They're using a TREE to Terabithia, NOT A FREAKIN' BRIDGE!! THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE, THEY'RE NOT THE SAME, THEY'RE NOT THE FREAKIN SAME! Here's an appropriate title for the film "The deadly fallen tree to Terabithia", that's a better and more truthful title than what we're being given! Sigh, that alone should greatly sum up how much the film fails from a storytelling level!

The last big element for me to compare when talking about both films, is atmosphere. Which one is better in terms of visuals, tone, and music! Comparing the two in this type of category is like comparing apples to oranges for being made on a different budget with an opposite length in run-time, as one was released theatrically in theaters, while the other was released for a public access network. But that's exactly what I'm doing. Pieces of fruit maybe different to another in many ways, but you still have to pick one that's sweeter than the other. And keep in mind, I'm not just judging the atmosphere to these two films from a technical level (if that were the case, the remake would win easily) but which one seems to have a better understanding of the environment that the story takes place in. Disney's version looks a little more visually distinct, when with the original version you could pretty much easily see it as being a run-of-the-mill TV movie for families made during the 80s for how simplistic it is. Disney on the other hand, makes the world more appealing to the eye from its effects, shots, and sets. But with that said, as visually nice as the remake is, there are still problems that prevent it from being great, one of those problems being its tone. The remake is better acted, but the harsh environment that Jess and Leslie live in doesn't quite feel as rough as it appears to be written. Everything regarding their everyday world outside of Terabithia is so polished, over the top, and whimsical that it almost doesn't feel as different as their land of pretend since it contains all that too. Jess' home life looks realistic, since the environment looks believable for how dirty, dark, and unorganized the house looks, where the only part that expose Disney’s fingerprints is when the sisters are watching Disney channel. But everything else regarding the real world feels like watching a Disney Channel original movie for how tamed, bright, hip, and wholesome it all looks and feels! The original on the other hand, though having the cheesy qualities of a typical television special made at the time does appear to be grittier and less polished in terms of its environment when depicting the real world. Jess' house looks way messy and dirtier when compared to Jess house in the remake where it's more believable that this family seems very down on their luck; the school is more quiet and less bright and pretty; and the scenes that take place outdoors (away from the kingdom) have a right balance of looking dreary but beautiful where it needs to be where it doesn't feel exaggerated.

And that's the second problem that the Disney film has, because with the exception of Leslie's death and Jess' relationship with his father, almost everything else is exaggerated. For example, whenever Miss Edmunds sings with the children in the remake, everything is too upbeat and cheery for how nicely sung all the kids (including the bullies) sing as they all smile and clap along making Jess' life seem even less tough and more whitewashed. In the original, the kids sing out of key, the teacher is telling some of them to join in, some of the kids don't look as happy to be singing along feeling that their forced to sing since they're in school, and hey isn't that how most kids look, feel, and sound when singing together in a music class in elementary school? It seems less rehearsed and more like everyday life. Another example of the remake being too unnaturally whimsical is the painting scene with Leslie's family where they dance, smile, and hug during a montage to make them seem so perfect that it feels shoved in your face. The original just had Leslie and her father casually paint the house, as Leslie complains a bit about the paint color to than having the two fool around for a few seconds before Jess approaches them. It's not greatly acted, but it's still treated as a little moment to give you an idea what Leslie's relationship with her father is like, without feeling the need to create a montage with cheesy pop music and make it seem that they don't have a single care in the world. There's a lot more that I can cover for how much the remake likes to make almost every little thing special or over dramatic like the first time they swing from the rope; the scenes when they run; Leslie capturing a light inside a church, etc, etc. They don't feel like special little moments or seem realistic; they look like someone's glorified memories of their childhood. The original can get corny too, but it feels a little more grounded in reality and less exaggerated for how quiet, slow, and imperfect it is. The low-budget quality in terms of visuals surprisingly works with the film, as the higher budget in the remake kind of works against it for how Disney sanitizes this supposed everyday real-life.

How about Terabithia itself, the place where the characters go off too, the remake has to have the upper hand when analyzing atmosphere. Well, there definitely is some truth to it. When it came to Jess building up courage towards the bullies or taking responsibility for his father, most of those lessons are taught to him in Terabitiha in the remake as he imagines the bullies as monsters and trolls, and treats his real-life situations like adventures in his fantasy's world. Terabithia in the original was just a sanctuary for the two characters, which isn't bad, but the remake seemed to offer more. Furthermore, since the remake is on a higher budget that means that the film can get creative by showing off its special effects to show us what Jess and Leslie imagine, when in the original you see nothing. The CGI is clearly overused; however since it's their imagination the uncanny look to half of these effects gives you a bit of an idea that they're imagining it since they're not really supposed to be there in reality. I admire how Terabithia plays a larger role in the remake, and that the film shows us their imagination coming to life, but there are still plenty of issues regarding it. In my review of the remake, I remember being disappointed that the land doesn't show most of its fictional characters living there despite having some creative ones, and looking at the film again, the designs aren't the worst or anything, but I can't say that they're as inventive as I remember them to be. They're pretty generic. The two bullies are just an animal version of themselves; Janice is an average troll (that for some reason was a walking tree before she suddenly had a face); and we never get a good look at the dark master or the Terbithians, which doesn't really matter for how boring they look. I also mentioned in my review of how their land of pretend gets kind of confusing. They're pretending, but there is one instance when Jess is saved by his own imagination after falling off of a tree; and Leslie takes the fantasy world so seriously as Jess suddenly begins to see what she sees and reacts to it legitimately that I find myself scathing my head as much as the imagination logic in freakin' Barney, just with action. And speaking of action, with the exception of the final scene, all of Terabithia is nothing but suspense and fighting. That's not a terrible thing for how they face their fears and fight them to help conquer them in the real world, but wouldn't it be nice to explore a little more into their imagination and interact with the creatures outside of battle or give them a little more depth to help them understand why they are so vicious, than always fighting? Wouldn't it be interesting for Jess to encounter a Terabithan who resembles the teacher that he admires to help build-up his courage towards her? I admire what the remake was trying to do with Terabithia and succeeds in some places, but I'd have to go with the original's version. I say this because rather than forcing action with confusing logic of how their imagination works and how seriously they take it, where the visuals overall not really all that visually pleasing for how average it is, the original's simple take on it feels stronger. Since the real world they live in mostly looks shady and grey, the woods where they go to play gives you an enchanting vibe from the lighting, scenery (like the colorful leaves, the clubhouse they hang in), and music, that doesn't try to make it too beautiful and whimsical, it's tamed enough for it to still fit their reality while also being the perfect place for them to run off to. When we see them play pretend, it's not treated as serious or big as how the remake tries to do it, those scenes are treated as realistic and sweet as how regular kids play pretend, with a lovely atmosphere surrounding them to make it more endearing where the film doesn't try to do anything too fancy with it in order for it to still become believable. I especially love the last scene when Jess takes May Belle to Terabithia. OOOOH make no mistake, the decision of Jess not building a bridge still angers me greatly, but the scene itself is actually quite effective for how it perfectly embodies their interaction in their imaginary world as we're given the opportunity to imagine with them of the Terabithian's bowing down to May Belle with the shots of the forest and music giving it such emotional weight.

This brings me to my last topic when comparing atmosphere to both films, the music. I can't say that the music to these films as a whole is timeless because they do come off as product of the time when they were released. The music in the original is what you'd pretty much hear from these low-budget hour long family TV movies in the 80s, as half of the music in the remake is mostly consumed with pop music from the era. The only real timeless piece to the music is the score for the remake that makes everything sound so big and enchanting that it could be used in any film involving fantasy. But as timeless as the score sounds in the remake, it unfortunately does heighten the forced corn for little moments that are made to be big and whimsical. Just like the images of how kids are having way too much fun by the many small things in life that it's silly and forced, the music makes it even harder to digest. If anything the forced whimsy from the music goes right off the charts for how unnatural it gets. Is the score on the whole bad, no it's still nice, but its way too overblown with so much enchantment that Disney has more restraint when conveying it in their animated films! The pop songs don't help the film's environment either because they make the atmosphere even cheesier that clearly only feel there to sell the film's soundtrack. Whenever these corny as hell songs are played they're complete overkill, whether it's being played by a well put together montage of the kids fixing up a tree house, or having them dance while painting. For me, the absolute WORST part when the pop songs are used is during the closing credits where we exit the film with an upbeat Miley Cyrus song that gives me a serious headache after the first 30 seconds! I know this is a small thing to complain about, but when I leave a movie, I want to hear the appropriate music or song to play us out during the credits, so the fact that I get out of place pop music that doesn't at all fit with what we just experienced infuriates me. If they really, and I mean REALLY had to use a pop song for the credits, why not play "Keep Your Mind Wide Open" that was recorded for the film by AnnaSophia Robb? I'd much rather prefer hearing the score, but this song still fits the tone of the movie as well as Leslie's teachings towards Jess. Thank God that they don't play these terrible songs when Jess walks around feeling depressed about Leslie; it would've killed the melancholy mood big time! The music in the original is I'm not going to lie a bit corny too, even sounding at times very soap-opearish when we hear an out of tune piano being played during sad moments. But at least it doesn't force these innocent, playful, and enchanting moments for how laid-back it is. It feels warm and welcoming than it is trying to exaggerate everything, resulting with a very relaxed tone that feels more down to earth and less manipulative. Is it a little too soothing at times and used in places where it doesn't need to be, oh yes definitely. I do wish that it did feel a little more dramatic outside of its sappy piano music during its down beat moments. But in the long run, as big and timeless as the score sounds in the remake, the original knows how to keep its environment nice and simple to match with its reality setting while only making it sound enchanting and mysterious when the kids explore and play in Terabithia as it doesn't feel the need to over-emphasize the fun and magic that they feel when playing pretend, as well as providing enough quiet moments to keep the music from overstaying its welcome when creating mood.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

It should come off as no shock to anyone that the remake by comparison is the better movie, by giving more depth to the story and characters, a depressing depiction of Leslie's death, and containing acting that's Oscar worthy when compared to the acting in the original. That doesn't mean there isn't any good to be found in the original. As much wrong that the original has (that are at times so wrong that it gets the better of me), it still has a better understanding of portraying Leslie as a regular tomboy than a sparkling and always optimistic Mary Sue; and providing an atmosphere that's more grounded in reality to make things feel rough for our characters than over the top silly and near perfect and whimsical as Terabithia while portraying their land of pretend as beautiful and enchanting but (with the exception of one scene) also simple and less romanticized. Between these two movies, there's clearly a great adaptation of the story trying to get out, where the remake gets the story part right, as the original gets the atmosphere right. That's not to say they were done perfectly, but it's clear to see which version succeeds more with than the other. In this day and age of Hollywood always remaking, rebooting, and re-imagining films, as much as I will always keep a soft spot for these two films, I say that "Bridge to Terabithia" is in serious need for another film adaptation! This story has the potential of becoming a perfect movie for kids for its gritty nature and practical portrayal of childhood that connects to a heavy and deep heartfelt message of dealing with loss (stuff that kids will have to eventually go through in life), and I would admire seeing a third film adaptation that rights most (if not all) the wrongs that these two installments had. Maybe have it take place in the 70s or 80s (I seriously doubt that a teacher taking an underage student out to a place for recreation would be passable in this day and age) and not try to shy too much away when handling other serious material to make the film feel realistic like swearing (the kind you'd hear in "A Christmas Story"), and its risque themes on religion. This could be an amazing family film if executed correctly. But until that ever happens, we have these two corny movies that are hit and miss as our only film representations to a story that deserves better than what we currently have.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK

I've just reviewed two classic films that hold up better than I remember them to be, as I analyzed why they are considered to be such memorable and groundbreaking treasures of cinema, as well as personally reminding myself why I love writing about film so much! But I haven't reviewed a shark movie yet this summer like I always do, so it's time for me to once again dig into Hollywood’s obscure collection of trash by reviewing a crappy shark filmed that was picked by my work-buddy simply titled as...

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A large group of college students taking a Semester at Sea on a ship headed by Professor Franklin Babish (Charlie O'Connell) and his wife Anne (Carmen Electra) hit a dead megamouth shark and accidentally send it to the ship's propeller while retrieving it, resulting with the ship's hull being damaged and the boat to slowly sink. Nearby they discover a deserted island where they seek refuge until the ship is fixed, that seems like a perfect place to explore and study since the island is actually an atoll. Once setting foot on the atoll their luck begins to drastically change when they find the grounds to be shaking, later on realizing that the atoll is about to sink into the ocean floor. Their hopes for the ship being repaired for them to leave the atoll before it's completely sunk becomes highly unlikely when the ship's ONLY mechanic gets devoured by a giant two-headed shark who craves to feast on the helpless and naughty students stranded in the shark's territory.

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The idea of having a giant great white shark with two heads does sound like a goofy yet amusing concept when being put on paper. This is pretty much the shark in "JAWS" as if he was as big as Moby Dick and had twice as many teeth and brain power, it sounds awesome. But the execution on the other hand is quite boring. All the shark does is swim, and eat double of what an average shark can chew and that's pretty much it. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference in terms of behaviors if it has two brains or not since the creature behaves like any other shark you'd see in these kind of movies; or even so much as having two heads given the shark's unusual size where it would seem more than likely that he can eat just as many victims with one head attached to giant body as he could with two heads which makes the idea very pointless and not all that interesting. As poorly executed as "Ghost Shark" and "Sharknado" were they are at least imaginative and offered more variety than what this film gives us. The "Sharknado" can suck up numerous victims as the sharks inside the tornado would either eat the people inside it, or fall in various locations to devour anybody it encounters; a Ghost Shark can only materialize when water is present leading to many different and bizarre scenarios; a two-headed shark just follows and eats a couple of people at once that aren't as massive when compared to what the other sharks can do, as well as many shark movies that came out before the three films that I've mentioned.  The idea of a two-headed shark is just as creative as Timmy from "The Fairly Oddparents" wishing to be a crab with two heads.

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If you've read my previous reviews on modern day shark movies, or seen one for yourself, the CGI for the shark is as bottom of the barrel awful as you would expect it to be, along with the rest of the film's CGI garbage that makes this boring concept even more uninteresting for how obviously digitized it looks to the point where you know that nothing is really there. Some of this animation is so ugly that it oddly enough made the crappy 3-D effects in "JAWS 3" look legitimately grotesque. The only time I ever found it to be amusing for how bad it is, is seeing the characters suddenly turn into video game characters for the Ps3/Xbox 360 as their being eaten for how obvious the graphics look despite how hard the film tries to distant and blur the images of the characters underwater. And what's even worse about the film's computer effects and making the shark look less scary or fun to look at is how inconstant its size is. It'll at times be as big as a boat, other times it will be appear to be average size only slightly bigger than a typical shark, and sometimes it would do the impossible by being able to somehow attack people in waist deep water! Does this shark also have some kind of super power to change size? It makes as much sense as having one or two moments when we see blood oozing out of its mouth when it munches on absolutely nothing.

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I will give the film this in terms of effects; it's one of the very few modern shark films I've seen to use some kind of practical effects. In some shots as the shark attacks its victims, will get a few quick shots of a giant shark puppet with the actors interacting with it. That's not to say that they aren't as cheap as the CGI, because it's just as horrendous. The design for the shark looks rubbery and beat-up, and comes off as so lifeless that you get the impression that the actors and the effects team are moving the shark. Its looks so bad that the shark in "JAWS: The Revenge" or the exploding shark in Batman from 1966, look more life-like than this. And given how often the film relies on its CGI, no matter how fast the shots of the puppetry used for the shark are shown, they always stick out like a sore thumb for how incredibly different they are to the effect that the film loves to use and exploit the most!

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With the averagely boring bad effects aside, the way the film is shot and edited is just as annoying, pretentious, and sleazy as those elements are in "Psycho Shark". During an attack as we're presented with terrible fast editing and hideous effects, most of the shots that we'd see during these scenes are shots of the ocean being filled with blood. And not as in we're seeing these shots with the shark and its prey; I mean just shots of the water filled with blood before cutting back to seeing the attack where the film does it so much that nearly half-way through the film they don't just get irritating, but the blood effects look more and more like red dye where even the shots that show the actors acting with the blood as they're being attacked gets worse and worse for how bad the acting is, and how overused everything else supporting the scenes are. Thankfully I'm glad that the film doesn't keep cutting to black and cutting back to seeing a bit of the attack as shown in the film's opening scene. That was insufferable and nowhere near as clever as how "Open Water" used that trick (pretty much because that film had an atmosphere and a scenario that gave reason to why the scene kept blacking out as the suspense surrounding it felt more realistic and less gimmicky)! However none of those shots are not as insufferable as the film’s excessive love for jump cuts and dissolves that are clearly not needed for whenever they are used. You pretty much see them in most of the scenes when a good half of the characters are together walking, getting on a life boat, heading towards the atoll, or just simply standing! I swear to god that they're some of the worst uses of these filming techniques that I've ever seen for how long, repetitive, and out of the blue they are! And hey, did I mention that this film also loves to use the shaky cam? How desperate is this film to make the attacks look less fake when it's only making them more obvious for using almost all the annoying editing and filming cliches in the book?! Alright, they do use the shaky cam to help create the effect for the ground shaking, which is understandable for why it's being used, but everything supporting these scenes such as the cheap and clearly added-in sound effects, the crappy CGI, and the actors not looking that frightened by it as they pretend to stumble from the vibration are so horrific that you become more aware of the film's manipulation, giving you the impression that somebody is literally shaking the camera as opposed to the ground actually shaking. As for those of you who wondering if this film rips anything off from "JAWS", it uses very little.  There's the underwater POV shot that looks like watching the opening credits to "JAWS" on fast forward; we get some shots of peoples legs in the water; and there is an explosion at the end that’s done by implausible convenient luck; otherwise that's it. It has as much JAWS references as "Psycho Shark" had, and that film is alternatively called "JAWS in Japan"!

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And do you know what else that this film and "Psycho Shark" have in common? This film is nearly as perverted, from its bikini shots, images of women's butts whether it's underwater or them walking, and women being shot and edited in fashion as if they are posing for Playboy magazine or a beer commercial as we'd get music that you'd most likely hear in stripper clubs. The actress who spends most of her time looking sexy is Carmen Electra who is simply the film's eye candy. And for some of you pervs reading this wondering if she reveals anything, she doesn't. In fact there's only one scene in the movie where the characters get naked and show their breasts, and that's when three of them go skinny dipping as the two girls make-out to attract the guy joining them that's then interrupted by the shark implausibly swimming up to them in shallow water, and eating the two girls as we watch them twitch and ooze out blood from their mouths before being tugged underwater (that also appears to look sexy for how badly acted the scene is where the girls seem to be shaking their body and boobs intentionally instead of looking to be in pain, even with the blood present). So if you're expecting this film to be just as sleazy as "Psycho Shark" in hopes to get you through all this crap, you're going to be highly disappointed.

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Now I've mentioned that there's very little creativity when it comes to seeing people being axed off, however that doesn't mean that the film doesn't have some laughable moments that stand-out. There's of course the skinny dipping scene that I just mentioned, that's weird, silly, cheesy, and sexy; a scene where two girls are running from the shark on land as the atoll is sinking where they stand on a dock thinking that they've escaped the shark as incredibly sappy music plays with the girls acting unnaturally happy until the shark devours them, that is so clear as bad as this movie is that they're going to die for where they're standing, how little we know these characters, and overly happy the scene is that it's hilarious; and a moment when the shark bites the mechanics leg that somehow doesn't bleed, get torn off, or the victim looking hurt in anyway showing how weak of a villain the shark is, despite being so gigantic, fierce and having more than one head. These scenes are the real highlights of the movie that gave me a legitimate laugh when compared to other shark movies, which is saying something from my viewing experience, even if there's so very few of those moments.

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When diving into characters there are at least over 25 of them on this voyage where only a few of them stand-out, as most of them only exist to be shark food with little to no depth or personality being given to them. The characters who leave some kind of impression are the Professor and his hot wife, the muscle flexing "Jersey Shore" reject Cole, Paul the nerd, and Brooke Hogan as Kate who's afraid of the water and sharks, and foolishly hopes that this voyage will help her conquer her fears. Unfortunately there's nothing much to them for how bland, and generic they are. The acting as I established many times in the review is indeed as bad as you can imagine in a film like this to be. You'll have your average overreactions to the shark and the people he kills for how comically phoned in they are, as well as a few nonchalant moments of people screaming and gazing at the terror before them as if it's not that big of the deal. The unnatural expressions to the events happening around them only gets worse when we see them huddle together and talk about how they are going to deal with the situation, that contain so many pauses where their break-downs and how they communicate feels so unnatural that you get the sense that the actors are waiting more for their queues to speak and yet keep missing the moment when they are supposed to deliver their lines for how delayed it is. The worst actor in the movie who I wanted to see get devoured but knew that it wasn't going to happen since very few leads in these shark movies gets killed is Brooke Hogan who comes off as bored and annoyed rather than a woman that's trying to conquer her fears. Her I don't care attitude is almost as emotionless as Tara Reid in "Sharknado" except that it's not as robotic.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

If you’re looking to watch a movie about a shark with two heads with no quality what-so-ever, you'll definitely get it, and in a nutshell that's really what you have to expect in shark movies of these kind. Being a big fan of horror movies who always looks to find some kind of entertainment value in the awful ones, for some reason I just can't get into these kind of shark movies, because there's little worth seeing or coming back too for how unexciting and obnoxious they are, and this movie is no exception. The effects are so generically bad that they aren't interesting to look at; the concept of a two-headed shark is surprisingly boring; the characters are mostly disposable as the ones who stand-out are very dull; there are very few attacks that come across as funny or cool to look at; the acting is bad and is hardly ever laughable; and all the camera tricks that the film tries to use to hide how fake these attacks look, and try to give the film some kind of identity is more annoying that it is helping the film. I can see why people find entertainment value in these crappy shark movies, and I sincerely wish that I could find at least one bad shark movie that can do the same for me (that isn't a JAWS sequel), but until then, this one can be thrown into the ocean along with the other bad shark movies that I reviewed for good old Bruce to eat.