From some of the writers of "Scary Movie", here's a movie that's nothing but a big mess of film parodies that goes nowhere. Four orphans from different movies receive a golden ticket to an Epic adventure and they go from Willy's Chocolate Factory, to Gnarnia (G is the silent, can't we make something creative), to Harry Potters World, to Captain Jack Swallows Ship, to the White Bitch's castle. That's about it, that's your plot. Man is it poor!
Lets talk about the characters in this movie. Our stars are four orphans played by Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jayma Mays and Faune A. Chambers. Boy are they terrible characters and each of them give a terrible performance. Adam Campbell sucks just as bad as he did in "Date Movie", Jayma Mays is annoying as hell, Faune A. Chambers is very unlikable and doesn't even get a dance in this movie and Kal Penn, well I heard he was funny in the "Harold and Maude" films but here well I never would have guessed it. Jennifer Coolidge as the White Bitch (Get it, white witch) is boring as heck and looks bored. Tony Cox as her henchman is not funny nor does he bring anything new to his performance. Héctor Jiménez as Mr.Tummus is annoying, gross and unfunny and how is making out with a talking Beaver funny? Fred Willard plays the Lye-Man who is not only a poor parody on the Lion from "Narnia" but is also (You guessed it) a freaking bore. Kevin Hart also plays an albino in this film and boy is he and his character useless. The only casting I give the film credit for is Crispin Glover as Willy Wonka. Granted, he doesn't save the film by any means but he's so good at playing Willy that I don't think he was impersonating Depp, I think he was playing the role on how he would have played it. Crispin is perfect for the role but sadly he's only in the film for five minutes. Oh and who ever played Captain Jack Swallows is really good at impersonating Depp.
Aside from the bad acting and poor parody on characters, this film has almost everything that can make a parody film go wrong. Poor references to films, check; poor parody's to films, check; forced cartoonish humor, check; forced pop cultural references, check; gross out humor that's just plain gross, check; awful sexual innuendos, check; a poor soundtrack with a poor song to go with it, check, check; and finally jokes that over stay it's welcome, check. After filling nearly everything that can go wrong with a parody film and with nothing more to say, I think it's clear that we know what the rating for this film is going to be.
RATING 1/5
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