WE'RE BACK: A DINOSAUR'S STORY

Well another Thanksgiving has come and gone, however, I will present you with a belated Thanksgiving review on one of the strangest films from my childhood...



A little blue bird is tired of getting picked on by his brothers and decides to run away and join the circus. However, a talking Dinosaur playing golf named Rex (John Goodman) tells him a story about a kid he knew that wanted to do the same thing. Hmmmm, a talking dinosaur playing golf in the city, NOTHING UNUSUAL YET! A captain of a spaceship that travels through time voiced by Walter Cronkite and his weird little obnoxious Alien friend voiced by Jay Leno, use a magic cereal that turns 4 monstrous dinosaurs into sweet and lovable creatures with over the top personalities. The Dinosaurs mission is to full fill the dreams of young children who want to see real Dinosaurs by going to the Museum Of Natural History as the new exhibit for children only. So instead of taking them there himself, he sends the Dinosaurs free in the city to find the museum themselves. NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY OR FLAWED YET!  Along the way, the dinosaurs meet two kids. One is named Louie who ran away from home because of his embarrassing mother that WE NEVER MET and the other is a little girl named Cecilia (Voiced by the same actress who voices Lisa Simpson) who runs away from home too because her parents are never home and there's no one watching her either. However, plans begin to change when the dinosaurs and the kids meet Cronkite's insane brother Professor Screweye (Kenneth Mars) who has evil plans for the Dinosaurs. Do you know how many directors it takes to make a film as weird, strange, surreal and bizarre as this? The answer is 4 and it was produced by Steven Spielberg while he was making "Jurassic Park" (Which by the way, there's a hidden "Jurassic Park" Easter egg in this film) and to me that's what I found to be UNUSUAL AND OUT OF THE ORDINARY because it takes 4 Directors plus Steven Spielberg to create something this surreal! It's also based on a children's book, so THAT'S 6 FREAKING PEOPLE TO CREATE SUCH A STRANGE PLOT!



Our four main Dinosaurs, well aside from the John Goodman dinosaur being well the John Goodman dinosaur, the rest of the group are very one dimensional, very forgettable and very obnoxious. I'm not saying their not likable for it's target audience, they are but even as a kid they never striked me as anything special or memorable, they felt like that they were just there to back up the main Dinosaur and to give the film it's unfunny fish out of water story. Woog The Triceratops is just in the film for the food jokes which is not done well; Dweeb The Parasaurolophus (Voiced by the same guy who voiced Roger Rabbit) is just in it to be the dumb one which you may have guessed is nowhere near funny; and Elsa The Pteranodon is just the love interest for our main Dinosaur which is done so vague and focuses so little on the chemistry between the two that it's not only forgettable but I just discovered their relationship just after my most recent viewing of the film. Honestly, if you cut out the three Dinosaurs and just leave us with the John Goodman Dinosaur, the story wouldn't make a huge difference, it'll just take away those unfunny fish out of water jokes.

  
 The supporting characters are ok, nothing special. The kid Louie is more stupid and annoying than he is likable. How he tries to be cool and smooth is not cute or cool, it's just annoying and the idea of running away to join the circus because his Mom makes him look uncool has to be one of the lamest and coldest excuses that I ever heard in a kid run away story. On top of it, he's trying to be cool then how will joining a circus make him as cool and hip as he's trying make himself to be? The little girl Cecilia while being a cute character, I swear all she does is whine, complain, moan and occasionally hit on Louie throughout the whole movie. She's another character that you can cut out of the movie and won't make a huge difference. Walter Cronkite as the captain of a spaceship is a humble and sweet character, with that said, he's still not all that memorable or interesting, in fact I wonder what his back story is! Did they also have to have him say his famous catchphrase "And that's the way it is", it felt out of place for his character to say that, it was given at an unnecessary time (In fact, I felt like the story switched narrators) and it felt forced. His little Alien friend voiced by Jay Leno, he's so annoying, unfunny and obnoxious that I was hoping for those Dinosaurs to squish him or eat him. The museum curator(Julia Child) while having good intentions comes off as annoying and loony as the Jay Leno alien. We also have Martin Short as a circus clown, who really is another character you don't need and is only in the film to present us with visual gags than actually having Martin Short use his real talent.



What I do give the film credit for is the film's main villain Professor Screweye. Out of all characters in this surreal film, he was the one who left a huge impression on me and is one of the reasons why I come back to this film. He loves to scare people with his scary circus, he's crazy, he takes away children and has them sign their name in blood on the contract, he has the power to turn people into monsters and he also has a radio where he can listen to children's fears. This guy also has a dark back story that involves a crow pecking out his eye and replacing it with a Screw but that aspect was so dark that it had to be cut out. The circus he runs, is so dark and so creative that the whole sequence is the coolest scene in the movie. I never found him scary as a kid but watching it as an adult, this guy is so twisted that I can see kids having a lot of nightmares because of him. He's just an all together awesome villain who's in my opinion a very underrated one as well.



The highlight of the film and what makes it a Thanksgiving film, is the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade sequence and boy are my feelings mixed on this one. First off, how do two kids manage to steal a huge float? Also how did the Dinosaurs make it to the float without being seen in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world? In fact, how come the film doesn't show us how they took it? Anyway, despite those plot holes, the Dinosaurs disguise themselves as giant mechanical robots however, Rex hears the kids wishing that they were real Dinosaurs which then leads us to the only musical number in the movie which is not only out of place but it also makes no sense. When you see how Rex sings and dances in this scene and jumps on floats and balloons, you think to yourself HOW CAN ANYONE THINK THAT THIS IS A ROBOT DOING ALL THIS?! I mean, how stupid, gullible and goofy are the humans in this film? While being a pointless number with plot holes, I can't help but enjoy the song and performance that Goodman puts into it. After that when the audience finds out that they're real Dinosaurs; we get one heck of a What The Hell chase sequence that serves no purpose at all, nor does it make any sense.

This film is just plain weird, makes little sense, is really surreal and unusual but I honestly don't think it's that bad! Granted it's a bad film but I wouldn't call it horrendous. The voice acting's good, the animation is great, the villain is wicked awesome and I can tell that the people behind this movie were at least trying to make an odd concept work even if it does fail. So while being bad, I at least felt some passion and creativity behind it.

RATING 2/5

THE WARRIORS

A bunch of rival gangs in New York City are invited to a truce meeting lead by the biggest gang in all of the city called "The Gramercy Riffs". During the big meeting, the head of the gang gets assassinated by one of the gangs and they frame a gang called "The Warriors" for committing the murder. "The Warriors" must now try to get back to their home turf Coney Island, however, the word has spread and every gang is now after them. Can "The Warriors" make it home without getting wasted?

What's great about the casting in the film is everyone is an unknown actor and to be perfectly honest, that's what makes our heroes more identifiable and memorable. Their acting isn’t anywhere near Oscar worthy or anything, but is still good enough to match the grim and over the top tone that the film brings; as well as making the characters really fun, cool, and likable. The leader of "The Warriors" Cleon, despite being killed at the beginning, he's still a cool and badass leader despite his lack of screen time. The new War Chief Swan not only proves to be as cool, smart and badass as Cleon but he's the kind of guy who remains calm; always keeps his badass approach; and heck barley cracks a smile, and when ever you see him, you know he means business. He also has a love interest named Mercy who he meets on the journey and despite not being anything deep; you still feel a connection and a development between the two as the film progresses. In fact, when they first meet and throughout the majority of the film you'd never ever think that the two would ever be together which makes their relationship a lot more interesting. Next we have Ajax who is like the Sonny Corleone of the film, he's always tough; gets mad easily; and thinks with his fists and junk than he does with his head. Fox (Who was actually going to end up with Mercy in the original script but changed it because the actors who played Swan and Mercy were actually in a relationship) is just as smart as the new War Chief and he himself would actually make a good War Chief. In fact the scenes I really enjoy seeing him in are when he and Swan put their heads together. The other gang members like Rembrandt, Cowboy, Cochise, Vermin and Snow are all really memorable, cool, and enjoyable characters too and how they interact with other along with the different types of personalities that they have just makes them a lot more fun and interesting.

Aside from having fun, cool and likable main characters, the rival themed gangs that we see throughout the entire film are another huge reason that makes this film so memorable. You almost have every single themed gang in the book; you got a skin head gang; a pimp gang; a clown gang; an Asian gang; a loser gang; a lesbian gang; a psychopathic gang; a baseball gang and so on! Despite not seeing all of them as our heroes have to bop their way home (Which is a tad bit of a downer), you still remember them; you admire the creativity that was put in the film with these different themed gangs; and the ones that our heroes do face leads to nothing but pure awesomeness. The films main villain is the leader of a gang called "The Rogues" named Luther and every scene he's in, he's a riot and never stops being fun to watch. The leader of the biggest gang Cyrus (much like Cleon) is only in the film for a very short time but every time you see him, you can tell what makes him such a great leader. As for his second in command with the sun glasses, not only is he a great leader as well, but boy is he so tough and intimidating that he's the last person who you want to mess with in this movie. There's also a disc jokey in the film who we barley see the face of in this film and not only does the actress provide a haunting and cool approach but would you believe me if I told you that she was the chief in the game show "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiago"? Kind of ironic that both the game show and this film that she practically hosts involves searching for a wanted criminal. If I had to pick a favorite gang in the movie, my favorite that "The Warriors" do face is "The Baseball Furies" and my favorite gang that just appears at the meeting is the clown gang who are called "The Hi-Hats" in the trailer.


What truly makes the film a masterpiece is its style! Now for those who think I'm going to talk about "The Ultimate Directors Cut" which is the current release of the film, I'm going to save my thoughts on it on a separate review. Right now, I'm just focusing on the original cut. The fight scenes and violence in this film are really extreme and creative with its choreography, fast edits, sound effects and use of slow motion and the crazy part is we don't see too much blood. The atmosphere is not only fantastic but the music and films soundtrack is what really creates the mood for each scene especially when there's suspense! As for the dialogue, it's a lot of fun and quotable especially the famous line "Warriors, Come Out To Play!". The style in the film is so great and so violent that the film received controversy for it because of its extreme violence; glorified look at gangs; and inspirational dialogue. The film has increased gang violence not only for its unrealistic style of violence but the whole speech that Cyrus gives about gangs out numbering cops as well as the films tagline "These are the armies of the night. They are 100,000 strong. They outnumber the cops five to one. They could run New York City" has left viewers so scared or so motivated to put this plan into action that the film has been temporarily pulled by several theaters.

"The Warriors" is perhaps one of the best gang movies of all time with its memorable characters, creative themed gangs, and unique style, all while having an on the edge of your seat storyline that it just gets better by each viewing. It's not "A Clockwork Orange" or anything but for a cult classic and a gang film, it's one of a kind!

RATING 5/5

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT

The film "What's Love Got To Do With It" is a loosely based biography film on the great singer Tina Turner. The film stars Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne (Aka Cowboy Curtis) as Ike and Tina Turner and the film shows and focuses on Tina's rise to stardom and her relationship with Ike. That's pretty much the films plot and boy did the film immediately suck me in the very minute it started.



One of the many aspects that makes the film great is the performances from our two leads. The supporting characters are good but they don't leave a big of an impression or an impact as Bassett and Fishburne! Angela Bassett as Tina Turner, I'll be honest I am unfamiliar with her work but that doesn't matter because her performance as Tina Turner was so convincing and believable that I can almost swear that she is her and sometimes not knowing an actor who is playing the lead can leave a big impression on you then a big named star or someone you know so much about. Throughout the entire film, I felt her emotions and struggle of how she dreams to be away from her abusive husband Ike, so she can become a solo artist and even though I know that she's going to get her wish, I still felt like she wasn't going to get away from him since the film makes the audience feel as trapped as she is. On top of it, she looks so much like Tina Turner (Especially towards the end of the film) that it's kind of scary yet enchanting. Laurence Fishburne as Ike Turner, when I heard that Cowboy Curtis was going to play Ike Turner, I began to wonder how I'm going to be able to separate one of my favorite childhood characters with a famous and abusive man. Surprisingly, Fishburne played the role of Ike so well and so convincingly that I completely forgot that this guy has ever played a Cowboy on "Pee Wee's Playhouse". He looks like Ike, he performs like Ike, he acts like Ike, just like Bassett as Tina, Laurence Fishburne is Ike Turner. Even when I see him abuse Tina, use drugs and hear him swear, I don't feel like my childhood has been ruined because I can't help but just see him as this real life person.



The films soundtrack is without a doubt fantastic. Yeah Bassett doesn't actually sing in the movie since she lip syncs to Tina Turners singing voice that was made for the film but with that said, I still felt like that I was watching her as Tina Turner live on stage because she moves like Tina, she looks like Tina and the lighting, cinematography, the editing and atmosphere does such a superb job on making you believe that she's actually singing that it doesn't matter if she is or isn't. To my surprise, Fishburne not only makes a believable Ike Turner but he actually does his own singing for Ike Turner and you know what, he actually sounds like him. Wow, who'd a thought that Cowboy Curtis can sing, ok, ok I'm done with the "Pee Wee's Playhouse" references but still I'm stunned! The choice of songs in the movie are all great but the songs and music sequences that stick with me the most are "Rocket 88" when we first meet Ike, "Shake Your Tail Feather" with Tina dancing on TV, the "Proud Mary" montage and the finale with Tina singing the title song. I should also mention that the costumes and sets in the movie are also really great too!



What the film does suffer is inaccuracies to the true story and the relationship between Tina and Ike. However, I am 100% aware that Hollywood does do that very often with true stories and sometimes must change things around for dramatic purposes. So I'm sure most of you wondering, what did they change, what didn't happen and does it work? Well first off, when Ike and Tina first met during the club scene where Tina auditions for Ike, her audition actually happened during an intermission while Ike was playing piano and she was given permission to sing by Ike's drummer. While most of us would probably want to see the true event, I did find the films version to be very enchanting when Tina and Ike first meet. Speaking of Ike, most of Ike's actions in this film such as pushing a cake in her face, getting her out of the hospital, raping her in the studio and threatening her with a gun was actually all fictionalized. Again, while Fishburne is great as Ike, most of the actions I just mentioned are not only not true but I also find it to be very disrespectful to the real Ike Turner. In fact, the real Ike Turner was actually upset by his inaccurate portrayal in this film and I don't blame him at all. I'm not saying he didn't abuse his wife but come on, did you actually believe that he actually pointed a gun at Tina at the Ritz? Even I knew that it was fictional and made up before I looked anything up on the film. Tina's best friend Jackie (Vanessa Bell Calloway) is also a fictional character and is just a combination of friends that Tina has met on the road. To be perfectly honest, I don't mind that at all because I do find her to be a lovable character and the relationship between her and Tina is very heartwarming. I think the biggest flaw this film has is messing up the dates to actual events and even unintentionally getting the facts not straight like mistaking "Private Dancer" as Tina's first album for example. It shouldn't bother the casual viewer but for a fan of Tina Turner who knows her history, you're in for some huge disappointments.

While not being an accurate film to the story of Tina Turner it's certainly nowhere near bad. Some of the changes they made do work, the soundtrack is great and Bassett and Fishburne are absolutely incredible as their roles. If you can overlook the inaccuracies, I'm sure you'll find it to be a very enjoyable film.

RATING 4/5

TOP 5 VIDEO GAMES THAT ARE MORE FUN TO WATCH THAN THEY ARE TO PLAY

Sometimes a critic has to try something out of their league and medium and while I've done that by reviewing Simulation Rides, I still feel like trying something else that's different, so I thought to myself, why not review a few Video Games. NOW HOLD ON before any of you get excited or feel like I'm going to far! Understand this, I'm not a big fan on games, I'm more of a viewer but with that said, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good video game, I just don't usually have the time for them. That goes the same with reading a book or comic book, although I enjoy reading but I digress. What I meant by reviewing a video game, I meant that I'm going to review video games that are more watchable then playable. Occasionally we get video games that we wish we could've watched then played because they would suffer from not being able to give us much to do or that are just so easy and so repetitive that you wonder why make it game? So instead of having me review the game play, I'm just going to review the story of the game as if I were watching an interactive movie. To understand what kind of games I'm reviewing, here's a list of...

THE TOP 5 VIDEO GAMES THAT ARE MORE FUN TO WATCH THAN THEY ARE TO PLAY
                                               (No particular order)

NUMBER 5

BACK TO THE FUTURE: THE GAME

All this game gives you is nothing but different answers to choose from and walk Marty around, not really all that playable.

NUMBER 4

THE SOPRANOS: ROAD TO RESPECT

While being a little playable by having you fight (Which by the way is way to easy), choosing how to speak in conversations(Which makes the game interesting) and having you play poker with the characters (Which is cool) it's more focused on dialogue and cut scenes than game play.

NUMBER 3

GOOSEBUMPS 

TIED WITH

ATTACK OF THE MUTANT 

"Escape From Horrorland" had me and probably many others more hooked on the story, characters and cinematography then it's boring game play. As for "Attack Of The Mutant", while a little more playable than "Horrorland" nothing would change to make the game interesting and it's game play is so easy and repetitive that it won't take long for someone to figure it out.

NUMBER 2

RIPPER

Aside from the different endings, the game play is not fun that it makes you wish that this were a movie instead.

NUMBER 1

DRAGON'S LAIR

The definition of a game that's not playable, never changes, always easy and repetitive that I wish that Don Bluth would make it a movie or a short film instead of making it game.

And those are the type of games that I'll be reviewing. I also plan to make a few video game lists in the future, so keep reading.