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Sunday, August 31, 2014

SHARKNADO

Well, it's the last day of Summer, and thus I will end doing Shark Movies and "JAWS" knock-offs until next summer. However, to close out the Summer, I'm going to review a Shark film that I not only get asked to review, but has also become a bit of a cult craze. This is...

 

A film about Sharks getting sucked into a tornado, and creating even more chaos than what a regular tornado can, has surprisingly become a hit. Not because it's a good idea, but because the concept is so stupid and bizarre, that it's actually funny. Many people and critics consider it to be a "So bad, it's good" movie, and it became so famous that a sequel was made not too long ago. Do I think "Sharknado" is good enough to be so bad that it's good, well if you want me to get to the point, I say it's just as bad as every other Shark film that I reviewed so far.



First off, the concept is just as stupid as the many Shark films that try to take a bizarre, surreal and unusual fictional take on the underwater predator. Yeah, like many Shark films that do that, the creators and people behind this film probably already knew that it was a stupid idea, and even if that were the case for it to be a bad film to begin with, I still think it sucks! First of all, for a film about a Tornado with Sharks in it, there's really not too much of it. In fact, aside from the first scene in the movie, we don't really get a Sharknado until the film's climax, and it's not even one Sharknado, there's three of them; so this film should have been called "Sharknados" since there are more than one. So incase if you're wondering what's going on throughout the film before our characters face the Sharknados, L.A. is flooded with Sharks. That's basically the majority of the film, the streets of L.A. flooded with killer sharks. The effects for the Sharknados and the sharks themselves are entirely done with CGI; which is so fake and computerized that none of it looks cool  or real what so ever. The only piece of CGI that looks real is the Ferris Wheel rolling down the streets of L.A., that's it, the rest of the effects are pure crap! The death scenes aren't cool, scary, or memorable either, especially with the films horrible CGI. I can also think of many things that don't make sense in the film. I mean sure, I don't expect realism in a film about killer Sharks in a tornado; in fact, some of the films nonsense and over the top logic is explained. For example, they do explain how it is possible to destroy a tornado, even if the fact is completely fictionalized and something that sounds logical in a cartoon; but with that said most of the film's logic makes little to no sense. I mean Sharks can attack people in shallow water on the beach when the water is only up to your ankle; a guy gets brutally attacked by a shark, but his wound doesn't look as bad as the attack: a character gets eaten by a shark, but comes out of the Shark alive (I mean, the Shark doesn't chew before he swallows); a car can automatically explode just from gas leaking with no spark or flame to set off the explosion! Again, I don't expect realism in a film like this, but I'm sorry there's got to be a bit of sense to it, unless if the film was going to go full out over the top and have fun with it, which it doesn't. Even when the film tries to make sense out of the impossible it still comes across as stupid and dumb as the whole entire concept.



So, since the film doesn't have fun with this odd concept, neither does the cast. Ian Ziering as the hero Fin, he's not bad, but he's not good either. It's not really his acting that's bland, it's his character. His relationship with the characters are poorly written and lack any chemistry; and his character as well as his performance is not that fun or interesting. His ex-Wife played by Tara Reid is so lifeless, so boring, and so dull, that she makes Kristen Stewart in "Twilight" seem like a better actress than her. Fin's kids played by Aubrey Peeples as the left out daughter, and Chuck Hittinger as the favorite military son, are not interesting either. Their story arcs feel half-assed and incomplete; and the acting from them is really lame and unengagging. In fact, I can see the resemblance between the kids and their parents. The Father and the son are uninteresting characters that try to be fun heroic characters; while, the Mother and the daughter are lifeless and boring robots. Fin also has a friend played by Jaason Simmons, who is not only as uninteresting as our hero and his family, but surprisingly I find him more forgettable, than Fin's family, which I find weird, since his performance is on the same level as Ziering's performance. We also have John Heard as a drunk who loves hanging out at our heroes bar, and in all honesty "I don't get it"! What was the point of having him and his character in this god-awful movie! Is he supposed to be the comic relief, because if that's the case it makes no sense because they only have him for a few scenes and before the film even reaches a half an hour, he gets killed off. He's not even funny either, in fact, I find his performance in the film really embarrassing. His performance is so painfully unfunny, annoying, and embarrassing to look at, that it makes you wonder why he agreed to do this film? Yes, I also question why he agreed to be in "White Chicks", and while being a weak performance and character; he was at least more respectable in that film, then he is in this film. It just really pains me to see a classy supporting actor go to such a low in his career. Cassie Scerbo as the bartender who works for Fin, and has a thing for him (Which gets ignored later on in the film) tries to give a good performance compared to all the other characters in the film, by making us feel bad for her when she reveals her back story about her encounter with a shark; but sadly her character and performance is just as bland as the rest of the cast. Granted, she is a better actor than everybody else in this film, but her character and performance sadly isn't good enough to make the film good enough. The only character and performance I enjoyed in the whole film, is the salty murderous sea Captain at the beginning of the film. He's so fun, twisted, and over the top, that I was upset that he gets killed by the Sharknado after when we first meet him. He seemed like a really fun and cool character, it's really a shame that he's only in the film to be a victim.



Now let's talk about the things that this film poorly homages from "JAWS" like pretty much every shark movie. When you have a film about Sharks in a twister, you wouldn't think the film would make references to "JAWS", but it does. When the Sharks attack on the beach, the first victim is a woman with a surfboard whose death is shot just as similar as Chrissy and Alex's death in"JAWS". As a result, our hero warns people to get out of the water; a lifeguard screams in a megaphone to get people out of the water; and people start rushing out. After when one of our main characters gets bitten in the leg, but survives, Scerbo looks at the water with fear, which is just as similar as when Brody looks at the water, after his sons encounter with the Shark. Scerbo's character and Fin's son show each other their scars, and when Scerbo talks about her scar, she talks about her encounter with a shark, which the scene and the story itself is similar to when Quint gives his back story on why he hates sharks. There's also a moment when a character blows up a Shark by shooting at a tank full of compressed air in the shark's mouth, which is how Brody killed the Shark at the end of the film. One of the characters, even says "We're Gonna Need A Bigger Chopper" as a nod to the famous quote from "JAWS" "You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat". The film even homages Speilberg's war comedy "1941" by having a Ferris Wheel rolling down the pier. I know the film is homaging, and referencing these films, than ripping them off, but I'm sorry I don't find any of the references to the film funny or clever as the film tries to make them out to be, they feel really forced and are just there to make the reference like pretty much every Shark movie.

This film sucks just as bad as every other Shark that I reviewed that's NOT "JAWS". The premise is stupid; the film barley gives us a Sharknado, and by the time you do see it, you wish the film was over; the characters are bland; the acting is mediocre (Despite the efforts from Cassie Scerbo); the effects suck; the death scenes aren't cool; and the "JAWS" references are so forced, that it makes you wish that you were watching "JAWS", instead of this crappy flick! If the film really went all out with this over the top concept, and had fun with it, then maybe it would be a really fun flick. However, it's not. It's just one of those crappy Shark Movies, that somehow just got popular because of its stupid title and concept.

RATING 1/5

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