GHOST SHARK

The Summer is still here, and I feel like reviewing a few Shark movies, until the end of the Month. I'll review other films as well, but mostly I'll be reviewing Shark movies. Since Shark movies have become a genre of its own, which is what I like to call the "JAWS genre", expect me to review a few of them every summer. I also plan to review other "JAWS" knock offs that involve killer sea animals over the summer as well. With that out of the way, let's start with the 2013 TV film...

A shark gets killed by fisherman, and comes back as a ghost after when its corpse washes into an underwater magical cave. The shark can now feed on anybody, not only in the ocean, but where ever there is water like pools, baths, showers, Slip N Slides, rain, a water cooler, and the list goes on! A group of teenagers try to stop it, along with a drunken Sea Captain played by Richard Moll. I will admit, while I do like how the film explores and takes advantage of aspects that the "JAWS genre" could never do, like having sharks appear in a bathtub, pool, etc, etc; it's still a really bad film. Interesting concept, but bad!

The CGI for the ghost shark is done really poorly! It looks cheesy, the way it moves is terrible, and we can barley see it. Maybe it's probably going for the "JAWS effect" of not showing the shark too much to make it scary and leave the evidence of its presence, but that worked in "JAWS" because of the music, atmosphere, creative shots, and so on. This film has none of it! In fact, the death scenes themselves are more laughable then they are scary, and I'm not sure if that was the films intention since the film takes its plot really seriously, as well as the scenes that build up to an attack. The attacks look so phony, with its cheap CGI effects and horrible acting that they're a complete downer. They're also so stupid, that you could swear that they belong in a comedy or parody of a shark film that you'd see in cartoons. One of the dumbest scenes in the film is when a guy drinks water from a water cooler, only to realize that the shark is inside him, munching on his insides and splitting his body in half when the Shark leaves the body. How is that scary?! It's not only a cheap looking effect and badly acted scene, but the idea is so over the top, that it looks like something out of a cartoon, than something out of a horror film. There's also a scene when a bully dives into the pool, but the shark jumps out consuming him, and spiting out his fake CGI head. Again, NOT SCARY! Our characters also are about to be attacked by kids and teens playing by a fire hydrant, but after the shark eats two of them, the victims separate legs are still walking. HOW IS THAT SCARY, it looks too funny to take seriously, and the scene itself is trying to be scary and dramatic. There's also a scene when a girl is taking a bath, and after being brutally attacked by the shark, she not only survives, but she hardly has any wounds on her, except for her leg, which doesn't look as bad or gruesome, as the attacked looked. The last attack I would like to mention before moving on to characters is the scene when a bunch of girls are washing a car before getting attacked. However, the car they are washing is a car that a young nerdy kid poured mud on, stole, and drove the car to the girls so he can look at these hot girls up close. Not only is that scene perverted, creepy, and unfunny, but the attack itself is not cool or scary!

The characters in this film all suck and are poorly acted! The teenagers are so bland, so badly acted, and so uninteresting that they are all forgettable! Every single one of them! They're just played out as victims for the shark to kill, and none of their deaths are cool, scary, or even memorable for that matter! They also have really stupid moments that aren't even laughable. What kind of idiot throws a lit cigarette in the trash can; what kind of friend throws their friend into the water to be eaten by the shark to save their own life? They really are idiotic! The performance that I was hoping would be the saving grace of the movie is Richard Moll as the drunken sea Captain, but just like how I was hoping that Vic Morrow would be the saving grace of the movie "Great White" (Aka "Last Shark"), I was really disappointed! His performance is so bland and so poorly acted, that it hurts me. I mean, this is the guy who did the voice of Two-Face in "Batman: The Animated Series", and to see him in a terrible film like this, and not even try to give us a fun or emotional performance just depresses me! The scene that convinced me that he wasn't trying is when he sees a dead body that's so funny looking, that his reaction makes the scene sillier, than it already is! Even his demise in the film literally shows how much he can careless about this dumb film! They even give him a tragic back story that feels so forced, so half-assed, so corny, and is executed so poorly, that even Richard Moll can't sell out this forced back story. Now to be fair, as I said before, the acting in the film is terrible, so it wasn't Moll alone, and since we've seen him do good performances before, it was most likely how he was directed.




This film also has a few "JAWS" rip-offs, which makes the film worse then it already is. There's a Police Sheriff named Martin who's named after Roy Scheider’s character Chief Martin Brody, who helps the town Mayor cover up the Ghost Shark rumor, then try to help the teenagers stop it. Not only do you have two characters that are taken from "JAWS", but the film even rips-off "Great White" by having the Mayor try to kill the Shark, and miserably fail at it! There's a scene with a girl on a yellow raft, which not only looks like the girl on the "Amity Island" billboard, but the underwater shot of the raft, looks very similar to the underwater shot of the kid riding on a yellow raft in "JAWS". One of the main characters finds a boat with a dead body inside it, just like in "JAWS". The film even steals some dialogue from "JAWS"! One of the teens tells the Sheriff that's covering up the Ghost Shark rumor that he's going to wait until the Ghost Shark bites him in the ass, which is exactly what Hopper told the Mayor in "JAWS"; and the last scene with our characters swimming away, right after discovering that their friend is alive (Just like the last scene in "JAWS") one of them asks "What day is it", and one them responds "Tuesday". If you think, these are just references to "JAWS"; the opening scene literally steals countless scenes from "JAWS" in only a few minutes. There are three people on a small boat, exactly like when our three heroes go out a small boat to catch the Shark. The Shark gets caught on the fisherman's fishing-pole, which pretty much copies the whole scene when Quint catches the Shark on his fishing-pole. They try to kill the Shark with a pistol, and a harpoon gun; which are the same methods that the three heroes try to kill the shark with in “JAWS”, as well as having very familiar looking shots. And when they fnally do kill the Shark, they blow it up with a grenade saying "Smile you son of a bitch", the same exact words that Scheider used when he blew up the shark. All I'm going to say is, Spielberg sue something!

While, I do like how the film explores things the "JAWS genre" could never make into a full length movie, it still sucks! The acting and characters are awful; the CGI effects are terrible; the attack scenes are anti-climatic, goofy, and not scary; and the many things that the film rips-off from "JAWS" really disgusts me and pisses me off. Even if the films intention was to be campy, silly, or funny, it's entertaining I guess but still fails miserably at it for how awkward and obnoxious it is!

RATING 1/5