ROBBIE THE REINDEER:HOOVES OF FIRE

Here's a film I saw as a child and bored me to death, doesn't hold up in anyway, and is very forgettable. I give you...


The son of a certain famous reindeer comes to the North Pole to be part of Santa's reindeer team. His special ability is his nose, where he can scent things and can find them like a radar tracking device (Ummmmm).  However, a bully named Blitzen destroys his chances of joining Santa's team and is now looked at as a misfit. To redeem himself, he must train for the reindeer games and beat Blitzen at the race. That's your plot, boring and predictable.

First off, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE CLAYMATION! I'm serious, this is thee worst claymation film that I've ever seen. The characters look hideous; the people look like toys; and we got topless reindeer woman with actual boobs, FOR KIDS. Not only are the characters hideous, but they look really scary especially Santa Claus, I guarantee that the kids are going to have nightmares. I am gratefully disgusted!

The characters are all terrible. Our hero Robbie is so dumb, so annoying, so bland that I wish he'd die. By the way, what's with his radioactive nose, did Rudolph get drunk and have sex with a radioactive reindeer, it's making Rudolphs shiny nose make sense. The bully Blitzen is not even close to being a good villain, nor is he close to being an A-hole, in fact, I was rooting for him to destroy our main character. The love interest Donner is a bore and felt like a forced character and the fact that Robbie is in love with a woman from Rudolph's time is pretty creepy. Then there's the other female Reindeer Vixen and guess what, she's a whore, isn't it a wonderful kids film? Even Blitzen comes to her in a dark room and say "Christmas Is Already Here" and we black out.  Robbie's trainer is more annoying than Jar Jar Binks, yeah I said it. He just really irritates to me to the point where I want to smack him! Finally, there's Santa who's trying to be hip and cool and you know what, whenever I see that Santa, a small part of my Christmas memories die inside.


What I really, really hate about this film is the atmosphere. It's trying to take a hip and modern look instead of a classic and timeless subtle look. Almost Every scene you see, you see the characters acting hip, cool, dancing, and having modern equipment, it's like as if MTV took over the North Pole. As for the humor, as much as I enjoy British humor, the humor in this film is so unfunny, so dull, so boring that I didn't laugh a second. There's even a poor running joke of not saying Rudolph's name, which is very stupid.

This film is so terrible, so horribly written, so horrendously animated that I'm surprised it won awards and lead up to two sequels, including an American version with different voice actors. Thank god that the films short and very forgettable, but sadly, I lost a half hour of my life.

RATING 0/5