In this Found Footage horror parody flick starring Marlon Wayans, he and his wife move into a house, but the place is haunted by a ghost that's possessing his wife; causing mischief; and even having sex with them. Wayan decides to hire a priest, ghost hunters, and a physic for help to rid the demon. The minute the film started, even when going in judging by my experience watching the second movie, I knew this was going to be a quickly made half-assed parody flick to just cash in on the Found Footage genre. When did I feel like shutting this movie off, the minute when I saw Marlon Wayans hump a stuffed dog animal, and that was only 7 minutes in! However, knowing that I had to review this sucker, I tried to keep my cool. Thinking I was only a half hour in after a few unfunny scenes, I checked the time bar, and I discovered that the film didn't even reach a half an hour! I was only 18 minutes in. Again, wanting to shut it off, I kept on watching the film. After many, many horrible and insufferable scenes later, I checked the minute bar hoping that I'd made it past an hour of this crap, and it turned out that it’s only been 48 minutes! Again, feeling like that I have seen enough, I couldn't give it a fair review unless I finished watching. Now that I got through the film in its entirety, here are my thoughts.
The performances, just as I suspected are half-assed. I'm not kidding, there's so little effort and heart put into these comical performances that it's just sickening. Marlon Wayans really doesn't look like that he gives a crap. When he tries to be funny, you know that he's only acting over the top and obnoxious preying and hoping that the viewer will buy into his cheap comedy, so you can get a cheap laugh. When he's acting like a regular person, he's not only dull and boring, but it seems kind of out of character. Even though the comical material in this film sucks, I would at least have given Wayan a tiny bit of credit for making him the only straight character in the movie, and just let all the nonsense and crazy characters he encounters play off as the comedy, while he's rolling his eyes at the nonsense, or trying to understand the logic of what's going on. At times, he seems to be trying to execute that concept, but looking at scenes where he's willingly acting just as childish and over the top as all the other characters in the film, it fails miserably. Even the wife played by Essence Atkins, she nearly has the concept that I was hoping that our star would have, but she too has the same amount of over the top unfunny obnoxious stupidity that our star has, and I'm not just talking about when she's possessed by the ghost! The rest of the cast is just as unfunny and effortless as our two leads. You got the annoying, racist, perverted, and over the top White friends and white ghost hunters who try to be just as ghetto as the film is; you have the stereotypical Hispanic housekeeper Rosa, who's just there to be annoying and stereotypical; you have the gay and perverted psychic who's so uncomfortably awkward that it's not only not funny, but is the only scary thing that this film has to offer; and finally, you have the black priest and the gangsta cousin who makes the film more sleazy and unfunny than it already is with their constant swearing and low life mannerisms.
The film's comedy is not only as bad as most of the other modern movie parodies that cinema keeps crapping out, but it's some of the worst I've ever seen! The surprise gags such as the footprint scene, or the damage of a family heirloom was so predictable, so horribly executed, that I was literally telling the movie to just show the predictable gag, and move on, then just building up to that obvious gag! The scene when Wayan's possessed wife just randomly break dances, eats raw meat, and gulps down 3 week old Milk were so forced and so disgusting, that it makes me wonder what the point of all that was. The scene when the couple gets high with the ghost is not only stupid and forced, but who isn't thinking of the scene when Marlon Wayan is getting high with Ghostface in the first "Scary Movie". Don't get me wrong, it's not a good movie either, but the scenario that this famous killer would sit down, party, randomly change facial expressions on his mask, and kill people as he raps as stupid as it is, it didn't feel forced and the actors themselves look like they're having fun with the scene. This not only feels like a forced weak duplicate of that scene, but we don't even see or know the ghost, when in "Scary Movie" we not only know the killers personality but the expressions from Ghostface and his interaction with the others is what made that scene so funny. As for the rest of the humor that makes these parody's films so poor, it's all there. It tries to look like the films its parodying, but lacks the feel and atmosphere of the films it’s parodying. The pop cultural references are forced and are just there to attract audiences, and just make the reference, rather than doing something clever with it. You have poop and fart jokes that not only sound graphically disgusting, but drag on way too much. The slapstick is not only forced, but the scene when the couple see a video of the wife as a little girl getting brutally hit by her Father's belt, was so forced and desperate to get a shock laugh, that it instead became violent and tense looking along with its brutal sound effects and look of pain on the little girls face that it makes me wonder how this scene could pass as something funny?
The last major problem that I have with this movie is its sex jokes! This film whores these jokes out so much, that half of the time I feel like I'm watching a porno! The sex scenes are so graphic looking, along with its perverted and gross out sound effects to make it feel more graphic than they already are, are actually sick, than it is funny. Ok, we don't see any private parts from our leads (Thank god!), but looking at the perverted physical action of the characters having sex; seeing Marlon Wayans in a sex slave suit; all the scenes with the perverted gay psychic; and of course, looking at Marlon Wayans humping the crap out of that toy dog is just as sickening. Even the scenes when they're being raped by the ghost, is perverted and gross, as opposed to being funny. I completely lost all faith in the movie when I saw the possessed wife using the holy cross as a sex toy, as Marlon Wayans flashes a dildo right in front of the camera. Forget the cat having sex with the dead body of an old lady in "Date Movie"; this is way more gross and offensive! I get it, it's supposed to parody "The Exorcist", but it's so phoned in, and so perverted and graphic looking like the rest of the sex jokes in the film, that it's disgusting and pointless, then something funny and smart.
My god, I don't know how my review of "A Haunted House 2" is going to top this review, because this film is just as bad, and maybe even worse! Nothing about it is funny or clever, it's just the same old garbage that parody films have been lately giving us! There's no effort what-so-ever; the characters and performances are horrible; the jokes are all weak and at times are so insulting that it makes you wonder what the writers were thinking; and the films gross out perversion is so sickening I wish that I never witnessed it! This is seriously one of the worst horror parody flicks that I've ever seen, and the fact that this piece diarrhea was successful enough to get a sequel, makes me cringe with disgust at this film even more!
RATING 0/5
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