CARTOON ALL-STARS TO THE RESCUE

Drugs,worst illegal substance that destroy peoples lives. When we were kids, we had anti drug videos and promos shoved into our brains. Some of them worked, others were either over exaggerating, unnecessary or sounded like they were promoting drugs to kids. Well here's a short film that not only has all the dumb stuff I just mentioned but also ruins some of our cherished childhood icons, I give you...


WARNING:THERE WILL BE SPOILERS

Yes next to "Refer Madness" this is considered one of the worst anti-drug movies ever made. So what's the plot? A teenager named Michael is abusing drugs and his little sister wants to help him but she can't. Michael is also being followed by an evil puff smoke voiced by legendary actor George C. Scott, who is trying to keep Michael on drugs. It's now up to all the fictional characters from the late 80's and early 90's to help Michael.

Michael and his sister are obviously just cardboard cut outs from most Anti-drug films for kids. It's pointless to talk about them since they're very predictable and average characters with nothing new about them so lets move on. The villain has to be one of the most unconvincing villains I ever seen and to think he's voiced by a great actor is not just sad but it's a complete waste of his talent. Oh and the kids parents, they barley show up and I find it upsetting because in most anti-drug kids films, the parents are the number 1 objective to talk too for help.




The cartoon characters that appear in this film are most of the characters you've seen growing up. We have the Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Garfield, Huey, Duey and Louie, the Looney Tunes, Slimer, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Muppet Babies, Winnie the Pooh and friends and for some odd reason Alf is in this too. It may sound epic to see them together but guess what, it's really disturbing, why, because they know about drugs. How could they know about this stuff, they're innocent characters and heroes from imaginary worlds where drugs don't existence and if they know about drugs then that means they must of tried it or worse maybe still use them. If you don't believe me listen to this, Simon knows the smell of Marijuana, Bugs knows what a Joint looks like(I can take the smoking and drinking in the "Looney Tunes" cartoons but drugs goes a bit too far) and most of these characters are over the top and have odd behaviors in their worlds, there is no doubt about it that this film not only proves they do drugs but also proves they were probably on drugs when we watch them on TV. I also wonder why all these cartoon characters are helping an average ordinary kid, is this what they do during their free time, if so give me some drugs so I can meet them, which I feel that's going to encourage young children to take drugs.


So how do these cartoon characters help him,well we go on many different anti-drug adventures with some of the characters, why not all, because most of them are here to make pointless cameos. First we have an unfunny Bugs Bunny who takes Michael back in time to show him the day he started doing drugs. The flashback sequence is the same old kid starting drug sequence you see in most of these type of films. Instead of having a funny Bugs Bunny, we get nothing but dialogue we've all heard before.

Next, Michael falls into a sewer and meets one of the Ninja Turtles. Instead of doing something that Bugs did, he just blabs and blabs the same dialogue we've heard before. Not only are we hearing the same old dialogue from him but he's being a complete asshole and rejects Michael in a very cold asshole way.My only question in this lesson is where's the rest of the Turtles and why aren't they out kicking that demon puff of smoke.

Michael then finds himself on a roller coaster ride inside his brain while he's riding with the Muppet Babies. Instead of getting the same predictable dialogue, we get a fast high speed ride in the Brain as we see unimpressive visuals. This sequence doesn't scare me away from Drugs, it actually wants to make me try them. Why you may ask, because this ride doesn't simulate a messed up Brain it mostly simulates what people are like when they're high and it's the reason why people use drugs to begin with.

After that wild ride, we then get a incredibly annoying Anti-Drug song. I knew this film was going to have a corny song but my god it's really really corny. The song is obnoxious,the characters are out of key,we hear the same old sayings to say "No" to drugs like in every song about saying "No" to drugs and even the wonderful Chipmunks that sing in great harmony sound very annoying. The credits even play a more cornier version of the song with cheap written lyrics.This song actually hurts my Brain more then Drugs can do to the Brain. Oh and for those who are wondering where Michael's sister is, she's getting the same old advice we hear a dozen times from Pooh.


The last segment takes place at a creepy Carnival. Instead of hearing more advice and no nos about Drugs,the characters who love him are now literally trying to kill him. That's right they actually try to kill him, they try to run him over,drown him,get killed by Buzz Saws, fall to his death, see his messed up self and has to face a painfully unfunny Daffy Duck. This special doesn't just prove my childhood heroes are on drugs but now they scare me. Don't worry as long as there is a corny predictable happy ending, everything will be fine. He still maybe a thief and drink beer, but at least he's off drugs and that's ok for him to still do all those things right...I don't think so. Clearly these characters should have helped him more.

THIS FILM IS A DISGRACE! It not only pushes and gives us the same Anti-Drug messages but it ruins the innocence of our cherished childhood characters and ruins the talents of George C. Scott. If you put these characters into an Anti-Bullying film that would work better but if you put them into Anti-Drug film, you get a huge mess. I won't do drugs but this film is close to convincing me to do drugs. This is Tyler Michael telling you to stay away from drugs and to stay away from this film.

RATING 0/5

DETROIT ROCK CITY

Well, today I'm going to a Kiss concert with Motley Crue and I figured it would be appropriate to review...


Four teenagers named Hawk (Edward Furlong), Lex (Giuseppe Andrews), Trip (James Debellow) and Jam (Sam Huntington) receive tickets to see the band Kiss. However, their tickets get destroyed by Jam's religious mother (Lin Shaye). It's up to the four boys to get new tickets to see their idols in concert. During their search, they go on a crazy misadventures that lead up to serious trouble.



Our four main characters are likable and funny even if some of them are a bit bland. The leader Hawk is a cool character and I'm happy that the kid who played the young John Connor in "Terminator 2" is playing him. His best scenes is when he kicks peoples butts, and strips to Kiss music at a disco club while being intoxicated. Trip gets a great laugh in almost every scene he's in, he's just full of non stop fun and comedy. Lex is sadly a very forgettable character and a bore and aside from trying to sneak into the concert, there's nothing that interesting about him. The only character out of the four who actually has development is Jam. He's weak at first but as the movie gets further, he becomes tougher and independent and says one of my favorite lines that I dare not spoil for you.













Our supporting characters are all really funny characters. There's the over the top tough school hall monitor Elvis; the mean and sloppy priest Father Mcnutly; the tough teenagers on the road; the cool D.J. player at the radio station; the odd scalper; the little kid and his big brother with his gang of thugs; and the two evil Chop Shop workers. The young girls in the film are all really bland, especially Jam's love interest. If I had to choose who has the best performance in the supporting cast, it's Jam's mother. She's like a crazy mix between Carries Mom from "Carrie" and Kyles Mom from "South Park". She's just god awfully crazy and does things that are out of the ordinary who also hates Kiss with a passion. I also find it funny that she smokes in almost every scene after she has a break down. She's just a really funny character and the kind of character you hope to see Jam stand up too.


Another reason why I like the film is it's Nostalgia to the 70's. It really brings that "American Graffiti" feel to the film with its over the top comic-book style which seems fitting since Kiss' design is comic-book based. You see classic cars; hear classic rock music; and meet characters that you might have seen or known from the 70's in it's crazy over the top depiction of that era. The dialogue is really funny and sounds like what people felt about music in that time. As for the soundtrack it's beyond awesome and is full of killer classic songs by Kiss, Black Sabbath, Marylin Manson, Van Halen  and more. I also love that in the films opening  we see a montage of Kiss and other things that happened in the 70s, kind of like what the film "Grease" did. The story and humor is really hilarious and I love the many things the kids try to do to see Kiss.



Now finally what about the band Kiss in this film? Just like seeing them in concert, they give an epic performance. They play the films title song, fire explodes on the stage, they breath out fire, ooze blood out of their mouth and throw stuff at the audience. It's probably one of the most epic concert moments to ever be put on film. If you haven't been to a Kiss concert, this will defiantly give you the feel and thrill of it.

Even though there are some bland characters, there's still a lot of characters including some of the main characters to give you a laugh. The humors fun, the stories funny, the music is awesome, the 70s feel is nostalgic, it's atmosphere is over the top fun, and Kiss give an outstanding performance.

RATING 4/5

BATMAN: THE MOVIE (ADAM WEST)

Last year, I reviewed the first season of "Batman" starring Adam West,  and while it's not the Batman that we're used too, the show was supposed to be silly and campy, which is what made it so fun and popular. During the year the first Season was released, a movie was made.



Since the show was never, or barley released on DVD and VHS, the only source to own the show when I was a kid was the movie. I used to watch this film a lot as a kid, and now that I know the show, I'm curious to know if the film did anything different that the first season didn't do. Does it still hold-up and offer new things outside of the actual show; ON WITH THE REVIEW!

The plot is simple. The Penguin (Burgess Meredith), The Joker (Cesar Romero), The Riddler (Frank Gorshin) and The Catwoman (Lee Meriwether) have banded together to take over the world and destroy the Dynamic Duo. It is up to Batman (Adam West) and Robin (Burt Ward) to stop these crooks, in probably the most challenging fight against crime that the Duo have ever faced in their career. Can they defeat them and escape their Death-Traps? "The Worst Is Yet To Come"!



Adam West (Just like in the show) naturally plays Batman. He's over the top, he's serious, he's over dramatic, and sounds like how Batman would sound like in the 60's comic book. We also see him as Bruce Wayne getting kidnapped by the villains and kicking their butts, which is something I've never seen Bruce do on the show. But on top off seeing Batman as Bruce kicking the villains butts, we actual see a bit of a dark and emotional side to his character as well, which he hardly had on the actual show. Burt Ward as Robin is a lot of fun. He's just as over dramatic as he is in the show and it surprises me that he doesn't get kidnapped in the movie. He also has a lot of clever "Holy" catchphrases in this movie that are always fun to listen too, while watching his comical energetic reactions. Sadly, we briefly see him as his alter ego Dick, and see a few seconds of his worried Aunt Harriet who doesn't have a single line. Which is weird considering that she is one of the major supporting characters on the show. However, Alfred, Chief O'Hara and Commissioner Gordon do share a decent amount of screen time of being just as much fun as they are on the show that this film spun-off from. Thanks to the film being on a slightly bigger budget than the actual show was places like the BatCave look more colorful than it did on the show. And the catchy theme song that everyone knows and loves, sounds bigger with a few of the notes changed to fit this cinematic spin-off, which gets me hyped up every time I hear it while watching the characters appear during the opening credits. The film also introduces some new BatGadgets such as the "Oceanic Repellent Bat-Sprays", the “Bat-Transmitter”, the “Bat-Charge”, and more. There's even now a switch by the polls that give them their costumes, which were never shown on the show until now, which I think is a nice to addition to the scenes of Bruce and Dick sliding down the Bat-Polls . This is also the first time when we see two new Bat-Vehicles such as the Bat-Copter and the Bat-Boat. Don't worry; you will see the BatMobile, as well as the Bat-Cycle.



The villains are all wonderful choices and it's really epic for the first time in both film and TV to see them all together scheming. I think what makes the partnership so fun is that they both can't stand each other. Almost every scene you see them in together, they're either arguing or insulting one another. But what keeps them together is they all want to get Batman and take over the world, and if they all use each of their skills and brains together, they can accomplish it. The performances from all of them are just as fun as they are in the show. Burgess Meredith as The Penguin brings his devilish look, and elegant and animistic behavior. Cesar Romero is always fun to watch, even when he's mad. And Frank Gorshin as The Riddler at first acts normal, but once we get to the middle of the movie, he's off the walls crazy. Instead of Julie Newmar playing Catwoman, we get Lee Meriwether playing the role and I must say she's just as puuuurrrrrfffffeeeeecttttt as Newmar is for the role, by bringing her classy and Cat-like personality. I also love her performance as she disguises herself as Ms.Kitka the Russian journalist, which I at times find hard to believe that it's really Catwoman underneath that disguise. The henchmen who serve the villains are a gang of pirates who are just as fun to watch as our quartette of villains are. And thank heavens that we don't have one of those stereotype molls who are just in the gang to look pretty and secretly admire the Dynamic Duo.



Throughout the film, the villains keep leaving deadly traps to kill the Dynamic Duo, as our heroes try to figure out ways to get of them. The Penguin tries use to an (Incredibly fake looking) exploding shark to kill Batman. The Joker fires torpedoes at the Dynamic Duo. The Riddler figures out ways to use everyone’s skills to create one giant Death-Trap. And Catwoman disguises herself to lure Bruce Wayne into the villains clutches. And each and every one of these Death-Traps and schemes that the villain's come up with lead all lead to one funny scene after another, thanks to the writing, acting, and campy effects. My favorite scene in the movie that involve our heroes trying to avoid one of the villains deadly traps, is when Batman's trying to get rid of a bomb (That has the slowest fuse ever) to the save the citizens and himself from being killed by the explosion. It's a great scene that's timed, written, and acted-out humorously, especially when West delivers his most quotable line in the whole entire film, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb"! There's also of plenty of Bat-Fights that take place numerous places such as the villains hideout, the Penguins submarine (That's modeled after a penguin), and even in the BatCave with the Penguin and his pirate, which makes this the first time in the Adam West series, (And probably the Batman film and TV franchise in general) that a main villain has ever entered the BatCave.


While the film does carry a lot of new things that the show itself didn't offer, it still has almost everything that the show itself is is known for with its writing, style, and of course humor. There's even some hidden Easter eggs that fans of the show might have seen in a Bat-Episode before this film, as well as having an actor who played the captured King Boris in an episode with the Riddler, play another wealthy and classy kidnapped in this film. The film however does have its noticeable flaws. The flaws are not in special effects wise since they're supposed to be bad effects, but flaws that don't add up. For example, the still images of villains that are shown on the TV screen where our heroes discover that they are not in prison, are stills of them that were not only obviously taken from the trailer, but the still image of Catwoman's involves her standing inside the private study of Wayne Manor. What was she doing there? I also question how Batman and Robin escaped from the magnet Buoy, where the film does explain how they were saved; but not how they got out? Also in most of the Bat-Fights that take place no fighting words would pop-out, which as a result we can clearly see some fake punches. And when we finally do see the fighting words popping-out for the last Bat-Fight, it feels pretty inconstant and out of nowhere since the earlier scenes of the movie didn't include that effect (Especially for people who haven't seen the show). I mean was the effects team running low on money, or something?

Despite it's flaws, it's still a really an entertaining movie and has the same amount of fun as the show has. I'd even recommend this film to anyone who hasn't seen the show because to be honest it doesn't feel like a movie, it feels like a four parted Bat-Episode that's been tied together and on a slightly bigger budget. Just like the show, it's a love or hate, so I'm giving the film the same rating that I rated the first season.

RATING 3/5

DESPICABLE ME: MINION MAYHEM

As time went by, Universal felt like it was time to close "Jimmy Neutron's Nicktoon Blast" and do something incredibly different that "The Funtastic World Of Hanna-Barbera" and "Jimmy Neutron's Nicktoon Blast"did. It was time to stop the crossover and make an animated ride based on a movie. That ride is...


This another simulation ride, only this time it's 4-D. I never seen the film but that's not going to stop me from reviewing it. I think the big question to the ride is was it necessary to break the flow that the two original rides were doing? Well, let's find out. On with the review...

THE QUEUE


As guests are invited to Gru's house to be turned into Minions. As you wait on line, you'll not only see clips from the movie on the monitors but you'll also be taking quiz's to see if you're worthy to become a Minion. I don't mean to give any answers away but it's all C and one answer is "None of the above". They were fun at first but than it got to the point where it became annoying. Anyway, when you finally get inside the house, you enter Gru's living room to pick up 3-D glasses and watch a hilarious pre recording of Gru, welcoming guests and giving safety tips while the kids ruining the video. I have to say the design for the living room is cool to look at, and if you look around, you'll see props you may recognize from the movie.

THE PRE-SHOW

The Pre-Show takes place in Gru's lab, where he interacts with the audience through an over head window. You'll also meet the children and some of his minions but throughout the personal introduction the kids and the Minions mess a few things up. Gru, decides to leave the kids in charge while he works and when you leave young immature children in charge, you know crazy things are going to happen. First off, I just want to say I love the characters, they're funny, they're cute and likable but I'll save all my reasons for when I review the film. The comedy and humor never stops and the best part of it is how Gru interacts with the audience. He does it by showing the people he comments on, on the side monitors. He also does a quick X-ray on some of the guests and accidentally fires a "Fart Gun" at the audience. So the Pre-Show is tons of fun, but lets see if the ride does the job.

THE MAIN SHOW



You finally get turned into a Minion and have to go through some training, however, things keep going wrong thanks to the kids and the other Minions. Throughout the ride, we get nothing but tons and tons of laughs. Everything is just straight out funny and over the top that it never ceases to make me frown. I also find it cool when we see the different rooms where the minions work. There's also a cute little subplot of one of the children wanting to give Gru an anniversary gift. As for the thrills, it's enough to make you feel like you're in the lab epically with the 3-D glasses. I guess the only problem I have with this ride is I didn't feel like I was turned into a Minion but than again that's just a small nitpick. Besides, while you're being turned into a Minion, a selected seat will show a group of people being turned into a Minion and the whole ride is in the point of view of being a Minion so that's enough to convince me.

This is a great replacement! Everything in the ride works, the characters are great, the humor is fun, the thrills are good and it all comes complete with a dance room so kids can dance with a Minion or even a character if their lucky. I say it tops all the previous rides from the building. Kids are defiantly going to love it. Even though I haven't seen the film, this ride has inspired me to give it a watch.


RATING 5/5