Tuesday, December 16, 2014


If I'm correct, tonight is the first night of Chanukah, and if that's the case...

I may not be Jewish, but that doesn't mean I can't wish people or say Happy Chanukah around the Holiday Season. Why not though, a Jewish person may not celebrate Christmas, but that person is more than welcome to wish me a Happy Chanukah. Even when I say Happy Chanukah to someone who is not Jewish, or wish someone a Merry Christmas who is Jewish, I except the person to say the same back, since it is still considered a Holiday, even if I or those people don’t celebrate it. However, the usual response is "I'm not Jewish", than wishing the Holiday back. All I'm saying is, just because you don't celebrate a Holiday, doesn't mean you shouldn't wish it or acknowledge it. To get into the Chanukah spirit, I'm going to review, what appears to be the only well known Chanukah movie, which I deeply feel bad for the Jewish people out there who have to put up with it. This is...

In this animated musical Holiday comedy starring Adam Sandler. Sandler plays a Jewish alcoholic, troublemaker named Davey who hates Chanukah because of a tragic event that happened to him on that Holiday. With a huge record of his reckless crimes, an old referee named Whitey (Also voiced by Sandler) decides to try and help him change his ways, to prevent Davey from going to jail. It sounds like a nice, fun, and entertaining Holiday film, but sadly it's far from it!

Adam Sandler as our main character Davey, I get the film is trying to make him like Scrooge, who hates the Holiday from his bad past, but man is he way too unlikable! Not just because of his juvenile personality, but because of how annoying he is, and we all know, when Sandler gets annoying, he really becomes annoying! The film does give him a sad past, a love interest (Jackie Sandler), and redemption at the end, but it feels so forced, so half-assed into the plot, and is so bland and corny, that it not only lacks the Holiday spirit, but feels really out of place with the films juvenile humor (Will get to that later)! The referee Whitey who tries to help Sandler, does seem like a good character, however, not only do we know that Sandler is obviously voicing him, but the high pitched old man voice that he puts on really destroys this supposedly humble character. I mean, if you think Sandler as Davey is annoying and unfunny, his voice acting as Whitey is ear rapping annoying! It's got to be one of the most annoying voices that I ever heard in my life! Even when he tries to be emotional, it's not only annoying, but really kills the emotion that this film and character has (Even if it's still out of place, with the films juvenile humor). I mean, he's the one who gives us Davey’s tragic back story, and believe me, out of all characters in this film, he's the last person I'd choose to hear about Davey’s tragic past. Sandler also voices Whitey's sister, who is just annoying, unfunny, and irritating as all the other characters that Sandler voices in this film. The rest of the characters, aside from the racially offensive Asian stereotype voiced by Rob Schneider (Don't give me that he's half Asian crap! It still doesn't give him the right to talk in a stereotypical Asian accent that he clearly doesn't have!), are very bland, one-dimensional, and forgettable.


The film's animation, while looking very nice, colorful, Holidayish, giving the characters realistic movements, and being well detailed, it really pains me to see this great big budget animation get wasted, by the films juvenile humor. The humor in this film is far away from funny, it’s sick, gross, stupid, obnoxious, annoying, and mixing it with a sad premise and great animation, destroys the film. You have Sandler humping a car; Whitey being frozen in poop; Whitey showing off his hairy body; a three nippled woman; lots of fart and burp jokes; a guy eating a sweaty jock strap from a fat guy; a fat kid trying on bras; Sandler giving himself a wedgie; and pooping reindeer that love eating poop! Does any of that belong in a beautifully animated about a guy hating a Holiday because of a tragic part in his life? Even if the film was just a straight out comedy, and took away the out of place seriousness, I still wouldn't find any of these scenes funny, because the humor is clearly there to get a cheap laugh! The film even has in your face Product Placement, which not only looks and sounds like a commercial as Whitey points out all the stores in the mall, but the store icons, and items from the store magically come alive to help Sandler change his ways! Yeah, forget Whitey; forget the three ghosts that helped Scrooge; forget the Angel Clarence that helped George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life"; Product Placement is what helps Sandler become a better man. If that's not insulting enough for you, Whitey actually prays in an empty Mall, than in a church. You know the Holiday films and specials that go against commercialism; this film supports it!


The film as I said is a musical, and not only is the songs forced into the movie, but man are they boring, bland, annoying, and forgettable. All of them are sung by Sandler, and if you think most of them are sung by his character Davey, Whitey actually gets more songs. Yeah, if you think his speaking voices is annoying, his singing voice is worse. He actually gets 4 freaking songs! He has a Product Placement rhyme called "At The Mall"; he an gets annoying song called "Technical Foul" sung by all three Sandler characters, which triples the level of annoyance; he gets a short dream song about winning a patch called the "Patch Song" which will give you a headache, while hurting your ears; and when we get a corny emotional song sung by Davey and his love interest, Whitey kills it, with his annoying voice, and horrible jokes. Davey’s only solo song is "Davey's Song", which is really forgettable, and unfunny. Did I mention by the way that the Product Placement characters get to sing their own song? Seriously, they do, and that's when they're helping Davey, which is corny and forgettable. The film's only Chanukah song is the dance number as Sandler reforms and tries to help Whitey called "Bum Biddy", which is of course, corny and annoying. The sad part is, Sandler doesn't sing his famous "Chanukah Song" in the film. Instead it’s played during the credits, the point where I'm more than willing to turn off this horrible film.

What more can I say about this Chanukah film, everything about it sucks! It's painfully not funny; when it tries to be sad and emotional, it's not only done poorly, but feels really out of place with the films juvenile world; the characters are bland, unlikable, and annoying as hell; the majority of songs rape my ears just as bad as the Wookie's in "The Star Wars Holiday Special" (Especially Sandler's old man voice in general); the film's worship of commercialism is really cringe worthy; and seeing it all with beautiful animation, makes it worse than it already is.


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