Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Celebrity Roasts an event where great comedians and stars come together and make jokes and insults of the celebrity that's being roasted. Unfortunately, Roasts now a days are not funny, very very mean spirited, we see comedians who have only been famous for at least a month that are not funny and even the good ones can't tell a good or insulting joke. However, back in the day there's a Roast special that was funny and insulting at the time and still is today,a bit dated but still funny, I give you...


This show had so many famous guests, so many good insults and jokes that you don't need curse words to be funny and insulting. Dean Martin is the host of the show and he too is funny. Every year(Well if I can) I'll not only pick my favorite moments from the variety show, I'll also pick my favorite insults from the Roasts. Well since Dean is the host, I'm not going to pick moments and insults by him, however I will talk about his introductions to a guest on the list and count it as part of the moment. So don't worry Dino fans he's on the list. Our "Man Of The Hour" in this Roast and countdown is...

For those who don't know him, I'll tell you a little about him.Bob Hope is a comedic actor, who went on to Vaudeville, had his own radio show and starred in movies, best ones are when he's with Bing Crosby in "The Road To..." series. He's best known for entertaining the soldiers at war by giving them shows with his jokes and girls. Dean gives him a great introduction and jokes about how similar his Birth Data is to his, his up and comin life as a performer and how he entertained the troops at war. Now that you know about Bob, here's my...


Lets start with number 12. Dean introduces our guest by saying all he carried when he rode into Hollywood is a gun and snake bite skit, incase if he was bitten by the master of insults Don Rickles. Number 12 is...

John Wayne couldn't make it to the Roast cause he's filming the sequel to "True Grit", so instead he films a video of himself on set and in costume talking to the camera. John apologies that he couldn't be there and is disappointed that he couldn't do a picture with Bob which was as disappointing as not doing one with Jane Fonda. John leaves to film his big scene but the Co-star Katharine Hepburn thinks it's her big scene which is a big problem. John bids Goodbye and tells Bob to have a great Roast. I put it low since John wasn't there but still he's funny and at least was nice enough to shoot a short video for Bob, so that's good enough to be one of my favorite moments. Oh and by the way, I love how Dean talks to the recording of "The Duke".

Dean introduces "Mr. Sunshine boy", one of the cheapest comedians and my 11th Favorite guest on the Roast...


Jack Benny is glad to be invited and hopes everyone will enjoy the wonderful things about Bob but we won't be hearing any from him. He talks about Bob entertaining the troops every Christmas. Where does his cheapskate joke come in. He talks about Bob making a great sacrifice on everyone of his trips he had to bring big named young hot actresses. Jack wouldn't go through that ordeal for a 100 dollars. That's Jack always being the cheap Mr.Krabs of the old days.

Dean introduces their "6 Million Dollar Man" and my 10th Favorite guest on the Roast...


Phyllis thanks Dean for the introduction but will attack him first if General Bradly(One of the guests) asks him...her to attack. She's happy to be on the roast cause it was Bob Hope who made it possible to get Phyllis a face lift and she owes it to him and sold Phyllis's old nose to Karl Malden. Here's his picture of him wearing Phyllis's old nose.

He...she, tells everyone it was Bob who made her big when she was testing flee collars. She talks about the film they were in together and he tells everyone what a great kisser Bob is. She hasn't seen movement with lips since she gave her dog "A sticky tootsie roll". She ends it by saying the film was good but the premier stunk and he made him...her what she was that day..."Depressed!". Phyllis Diller is always a hoot with her voice, laugh and humor and boy did she expose the kind of lover Bob Hope was.

 Dean introduces my 9th Favorite guest and this guy likes to move a lot. So Dean tells the audience that he might remain in his seat if we give him a nice round of applause. Already he's standing up to that remark. After mocking about the biography the guest wrote, he introduces my 10Th Favorite guest on this special who is...


Milton is happy to be talking about his friend Bob Hope and tells the audience they go back "When pants was a condition". He also tells Bob Hope he made Paramount Studios what is "An empty lot next to a Cemetery".  He also makes fun when Bob Hope thinks he was a lover back in the day and now there's a sexual revolution when Hope "Ran out of ammunition".  He even reveals why Bob has so much energy, it's because "He keeps Busy, Loves to make people laugh and decides Delores (His Wife) wants him to get the hell out of the house". Milton Berle is standing still for his mock on Hope but just watch him throughout the show get off his chair and not sit still.

Here's my 8th Favorite guest on the Roast...


Wrong image but I'm keeping it anyway


Nipsey talks about Bob Hopes benefit concert in Watts "opening with bye bye blackbird, followed by me and my shadow, followed by a mysterious fire in his house". Nipsey says Bob is the soul of propriety and tells the story of two hot woman in Bob's hotel room where Bob tells them he's a married man and that one of them will have to go. Nipsey talks about the time he rubbed elbows with the Governor of California who refused to shake his hand. He asks Bob to tell the Governor that it is time for Nipsey's people to be treated right in society, Bob's response was "Your rightful place is in the Riven section of the band". He finishes his insults by talking about Bob going on the wrong plane to his concert and the plane he was on is full of mental patients. Nipsey is really insulting Bob good and boy does he enjoy doing it.

Dean introduces My 7th favorite guest on the roast, who's the Governor of California at the time, an ex actor and future President...


Ronald Regan is "surprised" to be honoring Bob Hope and by "surprised" he means "Annoyed". Already a good insulting start. Ronald Regan is not there for Hope, he just happen to be in town for a guest shot on "Hollywood Squares" which is more important then honoring Hope. On a nice note, he thinks Bob would be good in Politics due to him being so popular with being seen by millions of Troops and TV viewers but criticizes his movie career, which is coming out of the mouth of a man who probably did worse films then Bob did, which he's aware of. Again on another good note, he says Bob "is a man of remarkable accomplishments. He's been America's most favorite comedian at a time when America was in her most wildered state of mind".  Again, how nice of him to say that but "He's entertained for Six Presidents, He's performed for 12".  He ends it by saying "The state legislature has unanimously passed a bill naming you California far most citizen".  Again, what a generous thing to do and the look on Bob's face is priceless...until Ronald tells him that he "Vetoed it". Ronald goes from being nice to down right harsh. Like him as President, Actor or not, he still is a funny man.

Dean introduces my 6th Favorite guest on the Roast as the "Outspoken Master of the English Language" and has spoken so many big words that he has "stretch marks on his mouth". Dean slurs the name of my 6th Favorite guest...


Howard Cosell speaks his big words in a very insulting manner. He thanks Dean for having him on the Roast and mocks his song lyrics such as "Amore" for example and how he points it out, it is kind of true but still great songs! He tells Bob that he looks great but makes fun of his tuxedo. He ends it with talking about Bob entertaining the troops and announces that this Christmas he'll be going to "Mattel Toys" to entertain the "G.I. Joe Doll". Dean tells Howard he's great with words but not with jokes. This seemed more like Howard and Dean roasting each other then Howard roasting Hope. I will admit his punch line to the joke on Bob Hope entertaining the troops is perhaps the best insult of Bob's career with performing for the troops.

Dean introduces my 5th favorite guest who's known around the world as Geraldine and has worked many years to achieve stardom. He mentions a time when he wore a wig and dress and wasn't recognized by anyone except for "a couple of psychiatrists and a hand full of Vice Squad Officers". Here she is, my 5th Favorite guest on the roast...


Flip Wilson did a little research on how Bob treated the black community and has learned that Bob has stiffed them. He tried to find out if he gave "a little bread for the brothers" but no, he finds out that Bob washes his own car. What and he and Bob have in common is they both love to play Golf. He doesn't have to tell Bob what his handicapped is because Bob told him what it is when he tried to join his club. He envied Bob for having his own Golf Tournament called "The Bob Hope Dessert Classic". Flip decided to have one of his own called "The Flip Wilson Ghetto Open". Since Bob's tournament is playing for the "Eisenhower Hospital", his will be played for the "Richy Pryor Clinic For Rat Bites And Bullet Wounds". He claims the winner of the tournament will receive a check for 36,000 dollars "or if he prefers a hundred dollars in actual cash". If there's a tie it will be settled by sudden death that way they won't have to play an extra Hole. The person will also win a car as a prize if the winner makes a hole in one, the model will be determined sometime late at night. He then ends with talking about the group of celebrities that will be playing on each team. Flip Wilson not only does a funny monologue and insult to Bob but just watch him throughout the Roast as he moves around, joins in on the jokes,gets into arguments and even gets offended at one point.

Dean introduces my 4th Favorite guest on the roast...


Rich feels like he has his "whole act up here". He mocks Howard Cosell and says he's pretending to have a good time and is hoping that the Roast ends soon and does his impression on him. He does an impression of Jimmy Stewart saying "It's Bob Hope". He says he can do almost everybody on here and he gets into an argument with Flip Wilson and ends the argument with impersonating Flip's character Geraldine. Rich Little is mighty good at impersonations and boy as he had me laughing hard.

Number 3 isn't a guest; this is Dean showing and mocking a montage of clips of Bob's...

                                     FILM CAREER

Dean says Bob's films were very high class, but he shows a montage of clips of Bob and Bing Crosby playing Patty Cake and fake punching somebody in their funny "Road To..." Films. I wonder why Bing Crosby didn't attend this event? He shows a clip of why Bob never won an Oscar and it's a clip of him poorly being over the top with his acting when he's stranded at sea and an actor ruins his scene. Then we see a montage of Hope dancing who has great rhythm "until he reaches his feet". This montage is so funny and so true that I wish it were longer.

Bob's Hope's wife Dolores Hope introduces not a guest who's my 2nd favorite but the man of the hour himself...


Now it's Bob's turn to insult the people who insulted him and does he succeed, would it not be on my list if he didn't succeed. He says it's nice to see his Dolores and he hasn't been traveling lately and as result got to know the family personally. He's happy that NBC renewed Dean's liquor license for another year and makes fun of Dean reading queue cards on his show by saying he erases it when he breaths on it if he didn't like the joke. He asks Flip Wilson if it was all of him cause he's never seen him without High heels before and he said his series got canceled because Flip is no Sonny Bono. He thanks Governor Regain for his "kind words" but tells him he has no presidential aspirations and had 43 states tell him he's not running for anything. He insults Milton Berle by telling him he's the first comic to be impeached. He insults Johnny Bates by saying "he wears more padding than Phyllis Diller" and he says he doesn't care about Baseball and prefers looking at the chicks while smiling after smoking grass every afternoon. He says Phyllis Diller was the inspiration for "Psycho" and he's amazed by her recent operation but he can still tell that "the stitches on the right are still holding". He says John Wayne's going to do great in the sequel to "True Grit" because he's wearing the eye patch over his mouth. He insults Sugar Ray Robinson by teaching kids to bet on all sports he's involved in. He tells everyone that not only Ginger Roger stole the show in Alaska with him but also stole the electric blankets. As for Billy Graham he just thanks him and says he's the star of Radio, TV and Heaven. He says Jimmy Stewart's "a man of few words and even fewer laughs and tells everybody what a boring time he spent with him recently. He says it's nice to see Zsa Zsa Gabor free but takes it back and says Divorced and claims she's never been free. He tells a funny story about General Bradly in 1944. He tells Nipsey Russel if he keeps it up he'll be pumping gas for Chico and the man. As for Don Rickles he says some interesting news about him and insults him being on commercials. Bob Hope got even with everyone and some of his insults are really great.

Dean Martin introduces my number 1 favorite guest as "The Master Of Insults","The only man who holds a Black Belt for hatred", Evel Knievel's next jump "through his mouth" and Dean hopes you had your rabies shots cause here's my number 1 Favorite Guest on the Bob Hope Roast...


Don Rickles thanks Dean for the introduction and he thought Dean would love the evening if he knew he was here.He tells Neil Armstrong that's he's no longer on the moon (Which means he's done being famous for being on the moon), mocks him being up on the moon and says he's a great hero cause he keeps telling him that. He mocks Sugar Ray Robinson and tells Ray that he knows the Blacks cause "his lips lock" which means he can't talk. He gets booed and tells the audience there's no booing allowed or he's going to have Bob tell his jokes. He tells Bob he's old and washed up and if he's not laughing he'll show him a picture of Jack Benny. He then says he's at the home because he's with Jack Benny and an offended Milton Berle which Don assures him it's a joke and he takes it back. Dean insults Don and tells him he hasn't reached his year of being a great comedian and gets the tongue from one of the guests. He tells Dean that Frank Sinatra has a contract for him to be hit, but he says we need Italian people because we wouldn't know where the mail goes. He makes fun of Bob not being any race except American and when he was born their was an American Flag wrapped around him. He makes fun of James Stewart and tells him if he stands the movement can make him ill. He tells Governor Regain that he's feed up with him. He tells everyone Billy Graham helped him how to walk faster and does an impression. After all the insults he gives a sweet end to his roast on Bob. This is one of Don Rickles best and boy were people insulted by him here.

Those are my 12 Favorite Roast From The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: Bob Hope. I hope you got some laughs and on the Roast you'll also see Captain Foster Brooks, Billy Graham, Jimmy Stewart, Omar Nelson Bradly, Dr. Henry Kissinger and more.


  1. Hey pallie, likes Deanager Ty, likes the last of your Dino-accented posts has now gone up at ilovedinomartin. What a great pleasure it has been to feature a youth of today with such a genuine passion for our most beloved Dino. Will be lookin' forward to seein' more Dino-efforts in the future. Keeps lovin' our most beloved Dino!

  2. Which episode was the one where Don Rickles offends Milton Berle? I saw that on a commercial and i wanted to see the whole roast.

    1. It was the one with Bob Hope, the roast that I wrote a list on in this article. I've talked about that joke at the number 1 spot on the list with Don Rickles' appearance being my number 1 favorite moment on the Roast.