(I refuse to show anymore pictures or videos of the special)
After the 1st Star Wars film ("A New Hope") “Star Wars” became a big success and wowed audiences. It was creative; had great characters; had an epic story; had dazzling special effects; a powerful score; and payed homage to many classic movies. A year later, George Lucas already ruined his “Star Wars” by coming up with this crap. He claims he had no control over it and is personally ashamed of it. As a result, he tried to buy every copy of it, unfortunately it's still around. It's on “YouTube”, it's been bootlegged by “Star Wars” fans, and my favorite critic Doug Walker reviewed this awful mess. If “Star Wars” fans and my favorite critic can survive it, I figured so can I. Let me tell you how awful it is.
First off this isn't a Christmas special. It's about a fictional Holiday called "Life Day" that the Wookiees celebrate. Chewbacca and Han Solo are in a pointless space battle and are trying to get Chewie back to his family. Interesting plo,t but that's not the plot of the special, it's only the set up for it. The special is just about Chewies family (He has a family?) who are in trouble because the storm troopers have invaded their home. Aside from that the episode has no plot and is just a mess of skits, musical numbers, and celebrity appearances.
The thing that I couldn't stand about this special is Chewies family. After the title screen, the first 8 minutes is just them roaring and doing stuff just as filler. What really annoys me is how the Wookiees communicate to each other. All they do is just roar and there's no subtitles to make the audiences understand what the hell they are saying. Seriously just put subtitles in! The roars are so annoying that it's nothing but ear rape throughout the whole special. Get use to their roars, because you'll be hearing them all special long. Oh my head is just aching from the first 8 minutes. In fact, the special doesn't look like a special, it looks like a pilot episode to a very bad sitcom that's “Star Wars” related. The plot for the special is boring and makes no sense at all. We constantly jump from the Wookiees plot, to pointless skits that only slow the special down and yes I will get to all that very soon.
I have good news and bad news. The good news is they got the whole “Star Wars” cast; the bad news is THEY SHOW UP IN CAMEOS! You read it right, the whole cast is in the special, but only show up in cameos. Each cast member from Star Wars does a pretty bad job and does not help the horrors in the special. Harrison Ford (Han Solo) looks like he's been forced out of his free will to do it; Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) looks gay(I'm not against Gay People) instead of looking cool(Reason why because he had reconstructive facial surgery from a car accident a few weeks earlier); Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) looks like she's on drugs and is waiting for her paycheck; C3PO and R2-D2 are not as funny or interesting as they were in the film; and Darth Vader shows up for only a minute or two .
The action and special effects in the special really suck. I know it's only a TV program and they don't use a big budget like films, but it still sucks. It uses obvious stock footage from the first film; a scene when Han is taking out a Strom Trooper looks cartoonish; and there's no epic battle with the Storm Troopers that invaded the Wookies house. The scene when Chewies son looks at a holographic box of creatures dancing was a cheap effect, been done before, and looks like something pointless from a kiddie show.
When they finally do go into battle they go into animation. The animated segment shows how low the budget is. The animation is completely crappy and looks like a coloring book; the faces for Luke and Han look worse than a deformed persons face; C3PO blinks his eyes, which he never did in the film; R2-D2 looks like he's made of rubbe;r and Chewbacca eyes look like a creepy old dolls eyes. The only good thing in this segment is this is the first time we meet Bounty Hunter Boba Fett, who is really cool throughout the cartoon, but to be frank, he doesn't really make the special worth watching. First live appearance was "The Empire Strikes Back" and I'm going to pretend it was the characters first appearance.
Now let’s talk about the celebrity appearances starting with Harvey Korman. Harvey Korman is a funny guy and knows how to make people laugh. He is best known for his appearances in the "Carol Burnett Show" and as the villain Hadley Lamar in Mel Brooks "Blazing Saddles". Two words on his performance in this special...NOT FUNNY. He shows up in three pointless skits in the special. His first appearance is him as a drag cook with four arms mostly saying Stir, Whip, and Beat. That performance is enough to make you puke and give you a splitting headache. His second performance is him being a malfunctioning robot teaching Chewie’s son how to build something. He's as boring as an instructional video, and when he malefactions, it sounds like bad sound effects and as he's making weird faces. His last performance is when he shows up in the Alien bar as an alien hitting on another celebrity in the skit. He's once again unfunny, boring, and does not look like an alien that drinks from his head, it looks like he's tired and has a bad hair day.
The next Celebrity is Art Carney. We know him best as the goofy neighbor Norton from the classics 50s TV show "The Honeymooners”. In this, it looks like his talent has been sucked out of him and nor does he look interested at all. It's like the director said "Stop being goofy and just read these lines". I think they just threw him in because of his recognition in "The Honeymooners" and won the Oscar for best actor in "Harry and Tonto" a few years ago. There's a scene when he's slowly working something which causes the Imperial officer to yell "Get on With It!", look at that... an unfunny reference to his character Norton. He's completely useless in this special.
A scene in this special that really disturbs me is the appearance of Diahann Carroll. Art Carney gives Grandpa Wookie Itchy, a video and he tells him "It's a wow...if you know what I mean". He wishes him a Happy Life Day and then says "And I do mean a Happy Life Day." The video goes on and it looks like a hippie’s nightmare of a bad uninteresting acid trip, as well as having really cheap special effects. Suddenly Diahann Carroll appears half naked (No boobs are showing) and quietly sweet talks to Itchy which makes him rewind back and forth of what she is saying. You see Itchy’s face smiling and moving around, but you don't see his hand. Yes he's watching a badly made Wookie Porno in a family friendly program. She then sings to Itchy and the segment ends. After seeing that scene I felt so dirty that I wanted to take a nice long shower.
When the Strom Troopers invaded the Wookie house, Art Carney shows them a 3-D holographic projector of Jefferson Starship playing "Light The Sky On Fire". I enjoy listening to Jefferson Starship and even though they rock, they didn't make the special worth watching. The holographic images of them look bad; they sound out of tune (To be fair maybe it was the quality of the video I watched of the special); and they just look like they were just thrown in the special (Like most of the celebrities in this special) as filler. There was no point of showing them.
Our last celebrity appearance is Bea Arthur playing the owner of the famous Alien bar on Tatooine full of imaginary characters, turns this great imaginative place into a musical number. Her bar is closing down because of having something to do with the empire (I'm guessing) and the aliens won't leave until they have one more drink. They then dance around to an annoying song and that's it. Oh by the way Greedo is in this skit...I thought he was dead? If you could bring Greedo in the special why couldn't they get Alec Guinness to play Obi Wan Kenobi's ghost? I'm actually glad they didn't get him. Getting back to the skit it's lame, annoying, not funny, not creative, full of plot holes, and is pointless.
Our finale of the special is when they finally celebrate Life Day. All the Wookiees are roaring at once, which is as painful as hearing nails scraping a chalkboard. We see very cheap surreal effects; all the characters are together acting extremely corny (like the whole special); and Princess Leia begins singing out of tune to a very bland and corny song, with a face that says "I don't know what’s going on, I'm just high". You know how powerful the “Star Wars” theme is and it's all instrumental, this song is in the tune of the “Star Wars” theme with lyrics only a 7 year old boy could write. What a way to ruin something powerful. If you're going put lyrics in the “Star Wars” theme song hire Bill Murray, it's more meaningful and clever, then this piece of crap. The special ends with a montage of clips from “Star Wars” to probably make us forget what we just witnessed. When you think it's over, we're back with the Wookiees for the last 3 minutes.
THIS SPECIAL IS S--T! It completely ruined “Star Wars” and this is before the other two classic “Star Wars” films came out, this is before the bad Prequel Trilogy came out; this is before Jar Jar Binks showed up. It's shocking to find out that George Lucas ruined his “Star Wars” right after the first one came out. I even heard by rumor this special is coming out on Blu-Ray....HELP! For those “Star Wars” fans out there who love “Star Wars” and collect and watch everything that has to do with “Star Wars”; don't watch this special; you'll never look at “Star Wars” the same way again. For those Star Wars fans that have seen it, I feel so bad for you and I hope the Force is still with you.
If this rumor is true(Surely it's not under George Lucas's control because he hates it as much as we hate it) buy every copy of the special and burn it that way no one can track down the special. For those who have the special, destroy it while you still can, for those who posted it on YouTube take it off. Once they're all gone and every trace of the special is gone we can forget it never happened and trust me it won't be missed. It's not too late to rid of George Lucas's awful mess, we are not just saving the lives of “Star Wars” fans but we are also helping George Lucas's dream of riding this mess come true.
RATING: DESTROY IT
NOTE: FOR THOSE WHO TOOK MY LAST MESSAGE SERIOUSLY KNOW THAT I WAS JUST JOKING, AND SADLY THAT DREAM CAN NEVER BE ACCOMPLISHED; BUT YOU GOT TO ADMIT, IT IS A NICE IDEA AND A GOOD DREAM.
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