THE COLOSSUS OF RHODES

Sergio Leone (One of my all time favorite Directors) is famous for making classic Spaghetti western such as "Once Upon a Time in The West" and "The Dollars Trilogy" starring Clint Eastwood as "The Man With No Name". His directing style and techniques are incredible and are still used in films today. Sergio's first film that he directed solo however, wasn't a western it was actually an ancient Greek film called...

 

An Athenian war hero named Darios (Rory Callhoun) is on holiday in Rhodes to visit his Uncle Lissipu (George Rigaud) and see the finished colossal statue of the god Apollo. However, Darios suddenly becomes involved into two plots to overthrow the tyrannical king. Darios helps the rebels, led by Peliocles(George Marchal) to overthrow the king and free the slaves. However, he has a love interest with Diala (Lea Massari), the daughter of the statues mastermind, who is on the villain’s side, lead by the king's second in command Thar (Conrado San Martin).

Our hero Darios has to be one of the best underrated heroes of all time. He's smart, he's slick, he can fight, and is willing to help the rebels even if it means risking his own life and leaving his girlfriend behind. When I first met the character, I was actually attached to him and liked his character more and more as the film went on. Rory Callhoun does an excellent job portraying the character; however, I did think his acting was a bit out of place. Most of the acting in this film has a mellow ancient Greek tone and while his was not over the top, he just stuck out like a swore thumb. His acting wasn't bad, it was just different than all the other actors in this film. Then again, a lot of others great films based on that time did make their main characters stick out and act different than most of the characters in those type of films, like Charlton Heston in "Ben-Hur" or "The Ten Commandments" for example.

The supporting characters in the film are well acted but are some how forgettable. They're not bland or have no character, they do have character but some how they're just forgetful. The villain has great evil plans but he's not that interesting. The rebel leader is as cool and smart as Darios but his personality is boring. Characters like the King (Roberto Camardiel), Lissipu, and Mirte (Mabel Karr) are good characters but show up only for a few times in the film. The only character I can remember perfectly is Darios's love interest Diala. Her character just keeps you guessing and guessing until the end. At first she's toying with Darios; then later on they're in love; then they have a forbidden love; then she's on the villains side; and you're not sure if she's working with or against the villain.  I don't just find the character interesting but I also find the love between our characters interesting as well.

I think what really holds the film is the action. This film is just full of action from beginning to end. Some of it looks very cool like in the rebel break out scene, the arena scene, and the fight in the statue. The fights are choreographed well; the cinematography is cool and suspenseful; and some of the stabbing and whipping looks intense. With all that said, some of the fights do look campy. In some scenes when they fight with hand to hand combat, some of the fighting looks real but mostly you can tell when there's a fake punch. In the scene with the rebels try to kidnap Darios, the fighting choreography looks neat but there were so many noticeable fake punches that I was expecting a pun word to pop out, like in the campy Batman TV show starring Adam West. In scenes when they're throwing knives at guards, most of the time I didn't believe a person was actually stabbed and when you do see the knife in their back they're expressions are a bit cartoony! Even in other scenes when they're hit with arrows look like something from a "Looney Tunes" Cartoon. In scenes when people are being tortured are intense but not enough to cover your eyes, but then again I'm not going to go that deep into the torture scenes because after all you really couldn't get away with that much with violence at the time.

The Special effects in the film are a lot like the action in the film, looks cool at times but can be campy. Let's start with the campiness. In the scene when of our heroes was dangling above Lions, I didn't really believe the character was really above lions. The scene when the boats on fire, was a cool effect but I didn't believe the people on the boat were on fire. However, with all that bashing, I still thought the special effects look cool such as some of the Statues traps or the fight on the arms of the statue for example. The best part for the special effects was the earthquake scene. When I saw those buildings coming down, I didn't think those were models, I actually thought those buildings were falling down while you see people running in the background.

The cinematography and sets are really a sight to look at. The sets are cool and look exactly like the ancient Greek times and on top of that you got Sergio's cinematography to make it look good. What I really thought was amazing was their recreation of the statue. It really does look cool.  Even the inside of the statue looks amazing. My personal favorite scenes for the set designs is the Mummy Tomb scene and when Darious sneaks into Diala's room.


The Music adds to the films tone and atmosphere. In the scene when someone tries to poison the king, the music gets thrilling. When ever there's a battle, the music help makes it epic. The music, sadly is not very memorable but it does add to the films tone. While I'm on the topic of music, I just want to add I enjoyed the traditional dance scenes for when ever there's a party or a ceremony, even if they are shown for a short amount of time.

My final thoughts on the film is it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be bad. Granted it's weird seeing a Spaghetti western master direct a roman film but a directors has to start somewhere and it's not a bad start. Sure, it has it's flaws and the films a bit campy but it's still a good ancient Greek movie. I was entertained by this movie from start to finish and I'm glad I saw it. 

RATING 3/5

MICHAEL JACKSON'S CAPTAIN EO

Years ago, during the summer when Michael Jackson died and the year when I first started out as a film critic writing my reviews on Facebook; I did a review on the only film that starred Michael Jackson (Well, the only film when he was the main focus instead of making a cameo or playing a supporting character in films like "The Wiz", "Men In Black 2" and "Miss Castaway and the Island of Girls") called "Moonwalker". I praised the special effects and the song and dance number but I felt like the film was just nothing but Music Videos mixed into one film and had a plot that's creative but not that good as well as thinking that there were moments that was too violent for kids. I put the film as number 10 on "The Top Ten Movies I Reviewed in 2009" and the films personally one of my favorite Music films of all time and is something I watch in memory of Michael Jackson. As a follow up to that review, I was wondering should I review his Music Videos or should I review "This Is It"? I didn't know what to pick but then all of sudden, I remembered a 3-D movie that use to be shown in the Disney Theme Parks and was re released back into the parks which was actually Michael Jackson's first starring role (Before "Moonwalker" and with the exception of his Music Videos) in a film called...

This film is done by three geniuses and a wonderful creative company, It's written by George Lucas (Who wrote the "Star Wars Trilogy"); Directed by Francis Ford Coppola (Who directed my all time favorite movie "The Godfather" and "The Godfather Part 2"); Produced by the most creative company "Disney"; and stars the king of Pop Michael Jackson. Yes they're all great geniuses and "Disney" is a great company but sadly did terrible things as time went on. George Lucas directed "Howard The Duck" and ruined his "Star Wars" with the prequels and the (Oh boy) Holiday Special; Coppola directed "Jack" and the epic flop "The Godfather Part 3"; and The Disney Company turned their creative studio into a Pre-Teen company filled with talentless actors and performers that are just there for looks and the company rarely make a great movie and usually just make a crappy sequel or spinoffs that just ruins their loving characters. As for Michael Jackson's career he became the creepiest messed up laughing stock and the most hated person from disappointed fans and people who are just creeped out by him in general and listen to what the media tells them. So is this film going to be an epic masterpiece or is it going to be an epic flop? Before I begin, I just want to let you know, I'm not reviewing the 3-D effects because I wasn't at the park to experience the film, I just happened to find the film online. Without further delay ON WITH THE REVIEW.

First off the title "Captain Eo",what a stupid name for our main character. Eo sounds like a lyric that could fit into the children's song "Old Mac Donald". So what's the story? Captain Eo (Michael Jackson) and his crew of imaginary characters go off on a quest in outer space to give a gift to the evil queen (Anjelica Huston) who rules a trashy dark planet.
 

Michael Jackson awesome talent shines just like it does in his Music Videos. When he first appears in the film you get excited and can't wait to see his great dancing and powerful singing voice. However, I'm going to save my thoughts on his singing voice and dancing for when I talk about the climatic dance number and just talk about his acting. His acting is ok, in this film he's not acting like the character, and he’s basically just playing himself. I guess I wouldn't mind it so much except for the fact that he's playing a fictional character. If he's going to play himself why call him Captain Eo instead of calling him Captain Jackson. In fact, why not call this film "The Adventures Of Michael Jackson in 3-D"? At least you know that Michael Jackson is going to be Michael Jackson. I know Michael can act, when I saw him in "The Wiz" as the Scarecrow, I knew it was Michael in a costume but he actually acted like the character instead of acting like himself and as a result made the character believable. 

Anjelica Huston as the Villain is scary. I'm serious, the design and the make up they put on her is actually pretty frightening. Is her performance good? Well she's kind of a bore and looks like they focused more on her design then character. She's basically like Queen Amidala from "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace", has no character, she's just a bore, and feels like George was focusing more on her design. To be fair, the Villain can be threatening at times and can show a good side to her at times but those scenes are very brief and the threatening scenes are once again just her looks and special effects.

A performance I found kind of painful to watch is Dick Shawn as Commander Bog. Dick Shawn is a very clever comedian and plays hilarious roles such as the hippie L.S.D. who plays Hitler in Mel Brook's "The Producers" and Snow Miser in Rankin/Bass's "A Year Without A Santa Clause". When I heard he was going to be in the film, I couldn't wait to see what he's going to do. His performance is nearly the same as Harvey Korman's performance in the "Star Wars Holiday Special" not funny, boring and hard to watch. The only bright side is he's only in the film very briefly.

So far our stars are very boring but what about the creatures that are with Michael Jackson throughout the film? I have good news and bad news. The good news is it's nice to see George Lucas working on a film that's not heavily reliable on CGI; the bad news is the characters are horrible. They look like rejected extras at the famous Alien bar scene in "Star Wars" and kind of look like deformed Muppet's as well. They're annoying, they're obnoxious and look scarier than our Villain. Idey and Ody the double headed navigator and pilot look like Alf's long lost cousins that should stay lost; the robot officer Major Domo and his small robotic friend Minor Domo look like a rejected design of Droids from "Star Wars"; and Hooter the clumsy little elephant has to be the most creepiest and annoying character out of all the creatures on the ship. By the way what's with the name Hooter? It sounds  perverted. The only character I thought was cute was Fuzzball but he sadly looks like a cheap effect that would probably look better in 3-D.

The special effects in the film are alright. They're basically as impressive as the effects in "Moonwalker" but just like the effects in "Moonwalker" they can look cheesy. I will say, I like the special effects in the spaceship chase scene but sadly it's very quick. Is it just me or does the chase scene look similar to the climax in "Star Wars:A New Hope"?  The sets are creative and the designs for the villains slaved henchman are cool but at the same time looks just as corny as the designs for the TV show "Power Rangers".

Now for the scene that this whole film was building up too, the Musical number, is it all worth the wait? That's a yes! After when Michael sweet talks the Villain, his shipmates play a few instruments and Michael begins to dance and sing the song "We Are Here To Change The World". As he's dancing and showing off his oddly colored Tee-Shirt, he uses his magic powers to change all the evil looking people and the plant into a colorful world. The dancing is choreographed good; Michael Jackson's singing is wonderful; the set designs for the changed world is colorful; the costumes are cool; and the special effects for this scene are decent. There were even moments that were thrilling, but that only happens when the Queen constantly tries to stop them with her evil army. Those scenes alone make you nervous and it quickly stops the happiness that's happening. This whole number makes up for all the horrible things that's been going in the previous scenes. This scene looks so cool that I bet that it would look spectacular in 3-D.

 In 1994, the film was replaced with "Honey, I Shrunk The Audience", but lives on video websites and received a cult following. After Michael Jackson's death, "Honey, I Shrunk The Audience" was closed down because people wanted to see "Captain Eo" on the big screen again as a tribute to Michael Jackson's death.

The 3-D film is now back in the Disney Theme parks under the title "Captain Eo Tribute". If I ever go back to the Disney park, I will review it again for the 3-D effects, I will also review the documentary that's shown in the queue area as well. There's also a VHS tape on the making of the film hosted by Whoopi Goldberg which I'll probably review in the future.

So is "Captain Eo" an epic win or an epic bomb? It's an epic bomb. The characters are horrible; the performances are boring; the film's very cliched; and the plot is dumb. The only part of the film that succeeded was the Musical segment and special effects, that's it. To be honest, I think that's the only part these people were focusing on. It's like they knew the story is a bad idea and thought the Musical number was the only thing that was important. They could've just made the Music number but sadly they need to have some kind of excuse to have a 3-D Music video starring Michael Jackson shown at Disney Parks and to do that they needed a story, that way the idea won't be rejected and put on MTV like all of Jackson's videos. Screw the story and just see it for the "We Are Here To Change The World" video.

RATING 2/5

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC'S UHF

Weird Al Yankovic the best comedic artist of all time. What's not to like about him? He's funny, he's over the top,  he's just Weird Al. He comes up with the best song parody's that are so funny and clever that you can't help but laugh or sing along. Even the comedy songs he writes himself are roll on the floor with laughter. He's also known for bringing Polka into pop culture and is one of the very few well known musicians who plays the Accordion. He's not just a good artist, he's also a very funny comedic actor. Best example of that is his film...




 The film doesn't just have a straight forward story, it's also full TV sketches;  Weird Al's Daydreams; and it even has a Music video. Since there's so much to talk about,I'm going to break the review into parts and rate each segment individually.

THE MAIN PLOT

 George Newman (Weird Al Yankovic) is a daydreamer who's full of creative ideas but sadly is a failure in life. That all changes once he is given a bankrupt TV studio which he turns into the best TV channel in TV history, thanks to his creative mind and TV star Stanley the janitor(Michael Richards). Due to so much popularity, R.J. Fletcher (Kevin McCarthy) the owner of another big channel plans to pull the plug on George's channel, so his channel can be number 1 again.


Weird Al Yankovic is just as hilarious and over the top as he is in his Music Videos. Every scene he's in, he's funny as heck. His best scenes are his daydream scenes but will get to that later on. Is his acting good? Well, let’s admit we all know its Weird Al being Weird Al but that doesn't stop us from liking his performance. He aside from his goofy over the topness, still acts like the average every day guy who has his head in the clouds and there are times when we feel bad for him when he doesn't succeed even when he's being over dramatic, which your laughing but feeling bad for him at the same time, that takes good comedic acting to pull that off.


Michael Richards as the child like janitor Stanley is another "Laugh Out Loud" performance. This is one comedic performance where I can separate the actor from the character. When I first saw this film, I didn't know that was Kramer in a janitor costume, I thought it was some unknown actor. Richards (Just like Kramer on "Seinfeld") is the character. He's funny, he's annoying (In a fun way), he's innocent and he's lovable. His performance is so good that he sometimes upstages Weird Al. His best scenes is when he has his own TV show but will get to that later. My favorite scene is when he constantly annoys Fletcher's men by saying things only a child would say. What amuses me the most is, this was before he was Kramer on "Seinfeld"(Which he's best known as) and seeing him being funny before he got his well known character shows that he's a good comedic actor.


Kevin McCarthy as the villain of the film is one of the best comedic Villains I have ever seen. He's mean, he's nasty, he's over the top and there's nothing likable about him. This is one business man where you can't have a decent conversation with, without getting yelled at. You do one thing wrong, you're fired. When ever he's yelling or arguing with someone, he can be imitating but also funny at the same time, kind of like the Queen of Hearts in Disney's "Alice in Wonderland" for example. Sometimes when I hear him yell I except him to shout out the famous line from the film "Network" "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!". His performance also kind of reminds me of Leslie Nielsen in a way, if that's the idea for his character he did an awesome job. I'm not going to tell you what happens to him in the end but I will tell you it's one of the best downfalls to a villain I have ever seen in cinema history. If they showed Mr.Potter from "It's a Wonderful Life" losing to George Bailey in the end of the film, my guess is he would have the same reaction as the villain in this film.

Victoria Jackson as George's girlfriend Terri was pretty bad. We all know her best in "Saturday Night Live" who is decently funny but here she's not funny or useful. Her character is bland and it feels like they just through her in here to bring an unnecessary romantic struggle in the film. The only part in the romance I felt was Weird Al's performance, probably because we spend more time with him than we do with his girlfriend. This character and performance is so boring that you can just simply run the film without her.


David Bowe as George's best friend Bob is just as boring as his girlfriend. He's bland, he feels like a forced character, he's not funny and he just basically sits in his chair throughout the whole film while Weird Al gets the spotlight. Now to be fair, he does get a good laugh every once in awhile but that usually happens when he's with George. In all honesty, he’s really another character and performance you can run the film without.

As for the rest of the supporting cast, they’re funny and memorable. You got Stanley Brock as the gambling Uncle Harvey; Fran Drescher as the broadcasting reporter Pamela; Trinidad Silva as Raul the crazy Mexican animal show host; Billy Barty as the small cameraman Noodles; Vance Colvig Jr. as the bum; Anthony Geary as the weird mad scientist Philo; the Asian karate gang; Fletcher's henchman; and the off screen mobster Louie. They're all funny and likable; every one of them gives out a good laugh even the background people or the people who appear on the shows.

The story is good, they're a lot of great jokes that pop up everywhere, Weird Al is funny and the characters (with exception Jackson and Bowe) are memorable.

RATING FOR THE MAIN PLOT 4/5

THE TV SKETCHES


This is one of the many reasons why I find this film so funny. The commercials are funny, and parody the stuff we see on TV. The best commercial everyone remembers is the "Spatula City"commercial. A store that sells nothing but spatulas and you see people going crazy for spatulas and using them for special occasions and I'm not talking about barbecue's.  What the president that owns the company says is funny and the jingle is catchy while at the same time funny. I also like the parody on car sales commercials by having some over the top country guy with a big cowboy hat, telling people to come down to buy a car and he'll lower the price, get a good deal or say he'll do something over the top if you don't come down. There's also a funeral home commercial called "Plot R US" that I thought was ok but not as good as the others.

Then we have the fake Movie trailers which had me roaring with laughter. There's the trailer "Conan The Librarian" that parody's the Schwarzenegger film "Conan The Barbarian" where they have a Arnold look alike playing a violent barbarian who happens to be working in a modern today library. Then there's "Gandhi 2" and instead of seeing peaceful non violent Gandhi, he's a man of violence taking down criminals. It not only parody's Gandhi, it also parody's the film "Shaft" by having an action packed environment and playing similar music to the film.

The TV shows on the channel, they're funny and clever. The game show "Wheel of Fish" that the karate gang owns, is a clever parody on "Wheel Of Fortune" and ends with one of the films best lines. The show "Town Talk", a talk show where people constantly get into fights or get hurt always gets at least a chuckle out of me, and it's not just fighting it's also the guests they put on the show. The wild life show "Raul's Wild Kingdom" starts out as a normal show but then shows what a crazy person Raul is and how dangerous he is to animals. Then there's my personal favorite show "Uncle Nutsy's Clubhouse" starring Weird Al. What's funny about it is, it makes fun of those over the top children TV shows like "Howdy Doody" or "Pee Wee's Playhouse" by having a hyper and corkey host, a colorful environment, kids in the audience and having a mime clown as a sidekick who constantly gets hurt. This show also shows the many things that could go wrong in a kids show. 

The best out of all the TV sketches is the show that Stanley stars in who again is funny, full of energy and has the mind of a kid. I love how he interacts with the kids; I love how over the top he is; and I couldn't find one scene where I wasn't laughing with him. The scene that always grabs me is his "Life is like a mop" speech. It's a silly example but how he says it is true. He's telling people not to give up, take what life gives you and closes his speech by shouting "HEY, THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!". 

The other promos for the channel are funny but some of them are kind of dull but enough to make it as ok. The only show I didn't laugh at was the show "Secrets Of The Universe" because it only showed the title of the show instead of actually doing something like all the other shows. These sketches help make the film funny and are one of the many reasons why people remember this movie.

RATING FOR THE TV SKETCHES 4/5

GEORGE'S DAYDREAMS

These are the best parts of the film.





The first daydream is the films opening, which makes fun of the opening to "Raiders Of The Lost Ark". It at first looks serious but once we see Al's face things start getting crazy. The set designs are cool but look comical at the same time; it actually looks like something from one of his Music Videos. The humor is everywhere, it's in the background and foreground; it pops out at you out of nowhere; it can be cartoonish looking at points; it's basically similar to the "Naked Gun" films or the movie "Airplane". This whole opening is a great way to start the film; it's funny and epic at the same time and pulls you into the films comical atmosphere.




His second Daydream happens during the films climatic battle as he's running to save Stanley. It parody's the Rambo sequels and makes fun of the films action cliches. Just like the opening it's epic but funny at the same time. This has to be my favorite part in the film because it parodies the sequels so cleverly that it's all true of what they're parodying from the films. I also love Weird Al's performance as Rambo because his facial expression actually matches Stallones facial expressions in those films. This part is really the best part of the film. it's actioned packed; it's funny; it's clever; it has great pacing; and it's probably the best parody to an action film I ever saw (At least by far) The last Daydream is at the end but I won't tell you it. All I'll tell you is its good way to end the film but you're using a character who's in the film very little and is a plot device you can run without.

The daydream scenes are funny and epic but they play no part in the films plot and just slow things down, but you know what I don't care. It's true they are just added scenes that the film doesn't need but they add to the films tone and comic atmosphere. They are also one of the best movie parodies you're ever going to see and to be honest throwing these scenes in the movie actually flow very well and don't seem out of place, plus it also shows what kind of person George is, so they're not totally useless. They're another one of the main reasons why the films so memorable and why the film’s so funny.

RATING FOR THE DAYDREAM SCENES 4/5

THE MUSIC VIDEO

Since the film is starring a music artist, chances are they're going to sing. Weird Al doesn't sing much in the film but his songs can be heard in some scenes. In the scene when Stanley drives a little car on his show, you can hear Weird Al's instrumental song "Funzone" playing in the background. When Uncle Harvey's in the pool, he's listening to Weird Al's song "Let Me Be Your Hog". At the end credits you hear the films title song "UHF" sung by Weird Al Yankovic. Even though he doesn't sing throughout the film he was nice enough to sing at least one song, which became a Music Video and that Music Video is…

.

"MONEY FOR NOTHING/BEVERLY HILLBILLIES"


The song has the lyrics from the theme to Beverly Hillbillies sung to the tune of Dire Straits controversial song "Money For Nothing". How does it fit into the film? George is watching a rerun of "Beverly Hillbillies" and falls asleep and the music video begins.

The video is a lot identical to the Dire Straits Music Video. It has the same style; same animation; same pacing; and same shots. It's so identical that it's creepy. They even have the same animated dog from the original video. Just look at the characters they look just as similar as the mover guys. They also show a live action Weird Al Yankovic playing with a band, while neon lights are surrounding the instruments and head bands. I know what you're thinking; it's not a rip off that's what the videos suppose to be like.

Even though the video is played out the same way the Dire Straits Music Video is, Weird Al still threw in a few twists. Instead of singing "I want my MTV" they sing "Beverly Hillbillies" in the same tune. When Weird Al turns into a computer animated character, he's in shock and thinking to himself "What the heck". Instead of a mover singing the song, it's one of the characters from the show. In the live action part of the video, they make fun of the neon lights surrounding the instruments and the close up camera shots. He even alters the lyrics to the TV show to make it sound like the song he's parodying.

Even though it's as pointless as the daydream scenes in the film, it's still one of the main reasons why the films recognized. It's a good parody on a good song and is one of Al's best parodies of all time.

RATING FOR THE MUSIC VIDEO 5/5

MY FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE WHOLE FILM

Well aside from some of the bland characters, the comedic acting is great, especially from Weird Al Yankovic and Michael Richards. I am a bit disappointed that Al only has one song to sing in the film but then again the films more focused on its comedy and story than it is on his music career, which shows he's just trying to create a comedy, not a film based on his musical talents. Did he succeed? Yes, he proves that he's not just a comedic artist; he's a good comedic actor as well. After seeing this film, I wish he made more films or at least star in another comedy instead making a cameo. Oh well, I guess he shouldn't over due a good thing and stick with what he's good at. If you love Weird Al Yankovic or if you're fan of films in the style of the "Naked Guns" movies; or if you're a big fan of TV skit shows; or if you're just looking for a good comedy, defiantly check this film out.

RATING FOR THE WHOLE FILM 4/5